i have a Walk to Emmaus next weekend. and Passover begins as well this week.
the two coinciding cause me to stop and reflect.
the Walk to Emmaus is such a reminder of Grace – all the Grace that Christ has provided.
Passover – the Messianic Passover is a reminder of the Sacrifice that Christ provided and of His promise He will return.
and the two together in one week.
that no matter what we have done in our past, what we are doing now or what we will do in our future – Jesus is there – waiting for us, seeking us, calling to us through people and circumstances and any way He can.
so if you are reading this and know of the Walk to Emmaus. please pray. for the team and the pilgrims.
we wait with anticipation for the weekend, but even more for the Return of our King Jesus.
blessings to you! Next Year in Israel!! DeColores !!
Holy Week
and i am home with gastroenteritis. also known as the stomach/gi bug. and it was bad.
today is recovery day. and i never want this stuff again.
so it is a quiet day for me. i don’t really care about work. i am behind in everything and maybe that is why i got sick.
i am resting and reading. and thinking. Jesus turned over the tables in the Temple yesterday. what must He have been feeling today? especially knowing what was coming. in just 72 hours. the Walk to Emmaus is coming up in April and i think of those 72 hours and the power of the Holy Spirit.
praying for this week as we move into Easter. that we may see the power of the Resurrection in our own lives.
who is in control?
we had tornadoes this week and it is too early for those. they hit not far from us.
spring is coming this next week with the promise of Hope. Resurrection Sunday is not far behind.
despite what you may think, you are not in charge of most things around you.
the only thing we can control would be our thoughts, our emotions, our reactions.
and yet, that is easier said than done.
i am working on trust and surrender still. that all things will be taken care of in Christ.
that He knows best as He has my future in His nail scarred Hands.
to give it up – control. i am working on that this year.
what are you working on???
fake spring in Ohio
seriously, 2 days of 60 degree weather. it is February.
everyone will be sick again. my garden plants won’t know what to do.
but maybe it is early spring? who knows.
this is the week. he would have been 87.
i wonder what he would have been like? to know his grandchildren. to know me.
to ask a million questions. and to hear his voice and his laugh.
how can it be 44 years gone? how.
time. this earth. so many thoughts in my head. and pain in my heart.
more later.
home.
it has been a while. much has happened. the holidays. the new year. 2024.
and we went to see the oldest and her husband in Paris France.
left on 26/12/23 and returned 07/01/24.
what a trip. seriously what a trip.
the best thing about the trip is to put faces with names she talks about in our weekly video chats.
and to ‘see’ the RER, the train, the metro, the flat where they live, the work space, just to see everything.
the sounds, the sky of Paris, the people, all of it.
it was so very very hard to leave. but i know. this is who she is.
she is a French Woman at heart. she is content. she is loved by her husband.
she belongs there. and no matter the distant ~ i am her mum.
and she is my eldest – the one that gave me the privilege to be a mum.
i will write more later. this trip. thank you Lord for everything.
Hope Sabbath
2nd Sunday of Advent – Hope. the Hope of the Child to be born for my sins.
and i have moments of tears in this season. for so many things.
of the persons i loved dearly that are in Heaven. my grams x 3. my grandfather. my step-father. sisters in Christ that died too young. my babies in Heaven that i did not know, but will see one day.
for the world as it cries to fulfill itself with control, with selfish desires, with ruling others in shame and vindictiveness.
and i pray. for Kindness and Love in Christ. because that is what we need most. the One True God that loves us and cares for us and is here in all things for us. so this Sabbath day, Hope in the One.
blessings dear ones… may you know the Hope that is coming.
pride
this week every where i turn someone is talking about Pride. C.S. Lewis, Jackie Hill Perry, Amy Seiffert, and my book on Resilience by Rebekah Lyons.
pride. it is what separates me from God. and it started with Eve.
and it is what gets us all.
but right now. in this time of my life i see it most in my job.
where people that are in charge or think they know better and have made work their worth – exude pride.
i told my sister in Christ today that i have been a Christian longer than she has been alive and yet this gets me. that i have to keep learning the lesson over and over and over again. all the time.
why am i so hard headed? it kind of ticks me off. so we keep plugging away and reading the Word and asking questions of each other about what we have read.
i have a number of books going. and i rewatched all the Glory videos and took more notes. because the wisdom of Jackie Hill Perry is amazing. the Glory conference she taught on Hagar and then The Woman at the Well in a way i had not heard before. i am grateful to be alive at a time like this to hear her exegete the Word of God.
and then there is ‘the eyes of my heart’. i will be dwelling on that for a while.
constant reminders
i am what some would consider to be in the beginning of old age. over the age of 65.
i currently work about 45-50 hours a week at my job. i have a spouse. children. a home. a garden.
there is not a lack of things for me to do at my professional job or at home.
and the sense that i am not done learning is driving me right now.
in between the regular duties of work and home i want to sit and read and write.
i am working through several books either on my own or with a sister in Christ.
Rebekah Lyons book Building a Resilient Life is rocking me. unwanted circumstances, unwanted pains.
work has become the ground zero for attacks. i am not a Job and pray to be more like him than his wife.
for no matter what happened, he worshipped the Lord Yeshua. with every loss he worshipped.
and then there is Jackie Hill Perry’s book Upon Waking. “There is nothing in your hands that God won’t replace with more of Himself. So let it go. Let if fly. Let it burn. God is better anyway.”
these books are resonating deeply.
because the battle ground of work is not worth it. when people dictate how i am expected to react, to behave, to completely put myself aside no matter what the other person has done or said.
i understand the concept of Turning the other Cheek.
and i also understand the concept of Turn, Walk Away and Shake the dust off of your sandals.
i keep reflecting back on what did i say, what did i do, why is all the blame of what occurred at my feet.
this goes back to incidents from six months ago. i have seen my therapist, my doctor, worked on myself.
in the end i go back to God is better anyway. better than what? the stress of the job, dealing with people so intent on being right, the punitive vindictive attitudes, and in the end leaving each day wondering what good am i doing in the name of Jesus? how can i be His reflection when all that is seen are negative things coming out of me if what they say is true? i question everything i do and say to the point now i am not going to say anything. i will do my job. to the best of my ability.
i have worked to listen and to change and still there is no pleasing most of them.
now let me be clear. i do not work to please people, my job is about helping others, and there are numerous different groups of people i am assisting.
BUT. in the end my life’s purpose as a believer in Jesus Christ as my Saviour is to love and serve only Him. the Divine Creator. the Risen Lord. in everything i do. and this is where i need serious work. to not complain or whine. to be grateful to clean the floors and toilets at home. to be grateful for the interruptions in my day at my job. to ask for grace and mercy in all things. to put myself aside but not because of what other people expect, but for my Saviour.
so, what are you thinking about???
time change & more
Oh yes… the proverbial Fall Back has occurred. so it will be dark dark dark.
i don’t mind this tiime change. one hour of extra sleep. a slower routine to establish.
the resting of the gardens.
but this Fall, there is more than a change in time.
the last six weeks have been used to make changes of my perspective, questioning my job, wondering what is Jesus up to that He is creating these questions.
i was out last week at two conferences. one was for my job, one was for me.
i didn’t realize how badly i needed them both.
the work conference clarified what i haven’t been doing at work. and what my boss thinks they know related to the job, but they don’t. and the work i have to get accomplished in a very short amount of time is rather overwhelming, but it can be done.
then the Jackie Hill Perry conference called Glory. the only word i can use is Cleansing. Friday night was cleansing and Saturday was Affirming. it was livestreamed and was the last one. what an amazing blessing to have been there. i kept thinking we shouldn’t have spent the money, but between the conference and then the fellowship we had – the Lord knew both of us needed this time in Knoxville.
and now i am in a study reading Rebekah Lyons‘ book Building A Resilient Life. there is something about God’s timing in all things. He knows what i need. He knows my heart. He knows the life i live. He knows.
Jesus. it is all about Jesus. so no matter what happens or who says what to me or the choices that other people make – it is about Jesus and His Love in me, through me, and for me.
blessings dear ones.
the inextricable pain of loss
words. there are no words for grief.
only sounds and deep feelings. even though one knows it is coming, and yet.
i will leave it at that. because i am in the circle of trying to understand what cannot be understood.
life. this life on earth. & humans. emotions, egos, defenses.
so in time it will be processed over and over in my heart and my mind.
and the ripple effect it has is untold.
the waves of what was thought gone that returns with new grief is crushing.
thank you Lord for forgiveness and mercy.
brokenBread...... 