brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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2018

OH…it is here… 2018. In all of its fireworks eating too much drinking too much staying up too late too much…. the world celebrated despite the cold. and now, it is quiet and reflective in snow & ice & cold for much of us.
I did not stay up late, drink too much, eat too much or see any fireworks. My Samwise and I headed south… Atlanta. Drove the 9.5 hours… dined at Anticos for pizza then had gelato, then went to bed. Atlanta. Because then we got up, drove downtown and did the Passion2018 conference. Year number 4. to serve as Doorholders to 20,000 college students. to see Jesus in action, to watch the Holy Spirit moving, and to know that God, my Father, is chasing after them with wild passion.
I am still processing, thinking, feeling, wondering. If only I could describe the music reverberating the arena, the singing of praise to King Jesus, the hands and arms open in worship, the prayers uplifted to the Holy One. what a privilege, what a hushed honour, what a blessing to this old lady. and in the end we witness Hope, Faith, Justice, Mercy in Jesus.
there are other images as well from our journey. The little man sleeping on the sidewalk in the entrance to a bank, huddled in his coat, hat, gloves, blanket. The people walking in the brutal cold with their possessions in plastic bags. The hands and eyes of those looking back at me… I wonder why is that not me? how did this happen? what choices did they make to end here? what lies of the evil one did they believe that led them here? why can’t we do something about this?
and in the end on the last day in the last hour there was a young woman asking for prayer. and because there was only me I said yes and heard her heart cry out to God her Father for wisdom grace forgiveness clarity mercy …. for everything a Daughter of the Risen King living in the enemy’s land needs to survive the attack on her heart. her tears falling as her words poured out to Him. and i wondered Why… why Lord did You send her my way? I prayed and listened. and prayed more. I am trusting the Father that He will do what needs done in her life, and am praying for the blood of Jesus to cover her in protection and grace. as for all the students that were there… that they take what they heard to heart and lean on Jesus and the power of His resurrection… in whatever comes their way.

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last Friday of 2017 !

It really is the last Friday night of 2017… and today a 28 year old was buried due to opioid addiction. How does one celebrate the new year when their child has died? How do you get up in the morning? How do you eat without getting sick at the thought of never seeing your child again? in the depths of the swallowing consuming darkness God is there. His Son, the Babe just celebrated, took on this darkness and brought Light in to it. Jesus, Emmanuel ~ God with Us… is present in every nano second, every tear, every wound, every heart break. God’s heart was broken and He gave us Light and Life.  the scars of His beatings, His hanging on the Cross, the brutality we cannot imagine give God an understanding of our despair, our darkness, our life.
May these parents find strength and Light in the Holy One. to survive and tell the story of what He has done for them in their loss.


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do we really get it?

i have been a believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour for a very very long time. but it is finally sinking into my heart and soul that He, God, gave His Son up to the Earth to put on flesh (as my pastor husband says) to be born in humanity to die on a Cross and rise to eternal Life.  this has been in my brain, i have heard the words of the Word over and over and over… but this thought of Mary delivering the Son of God into Humanity. my heart was pierced over four decades ago to understand my need of a Saviour that i knelt in my kitchen with my spiritual mother and confessed my need.

but this season of Christmas…. this time, this moment….. i look at this Holy Baby differently. at what has been done for me. me. and you. YOU. have a look at this Babe who IS the Saviour. no matter what you have done in your life (trust me, i know).

He is Love. He is Grace. He is Mercy.

come see us at my church next Sunday night at 6pm. Celebrate His Birth. and find out what He came to do for you.


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the death of death

that is what we heard in church today. Easter sabbath is about the death of death as Jesus is risen and alive. my life is not permanent on this Earth. i have said in the past and still hope that my job in heaven will be in the kitchen and in the garden. the smells, the colours, the sounds – i can hardly wait. earth is tiring.
so don’t wait on Jesus. He is waiting on you, searching for you, hoping you will say yes to Him.


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Spring ahead.

Time springs ahead, but the season is not keeping up. We have a winter watch with snow beginning tomorrow and through Wednesday. We don’t have what the east coast might get, but still, my forsythia was blooming but will get killed. I am afraid to check the lilacs, or the rhubarb, and all the little bulbs that broke open won’t survive either. No planting here this week, the ground is still too cold.
The moon is gorgeous here tonight, cold brisk clear and has a hazing around it. I love the moon. I would kind of like to get a blizzard ~ one that closes EVERYTHING so I get to stay home and sew and bake and crochet and clean and read and write. But… we shall see. Stay safe this week!!! Lent is  here and Jesus is Lord!!! Blessings.


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one word

so, church did the one word thing this year and i had a word. BUT, in the last two weeks there has been ONE word that keeps repeating itself. on the radio, the television, things i am reading. Priorities.
so now i question if i have my priorities in line with God. and today it is really hard because of the blue sky, the wispy white clouds, the breeze and all the green color!!!


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he died of depression…

but it won’t be on his death certificate. I am a former hospice nurse and I know…. my client had cancer but the death certificate said pneumonia or CHF or whatever. Robin Williams died of depression.
i dealt with depression for two years. it was precipitated by several events in my life. i ended up seeing a counselor for those two years and was on antidepressants for one year. Mental health issues are not easily resolved, sometimes never. for me, i had great help so that i wasn’t swallowed by the darkness of the pit i was in for a while.
we hide our mental health, so much so that when someone famous decides to end their life because the pit has swallowed them, we are shocked.
i am saddened that so many people in the world are scared to discuss what is really happening in their mind. that they fear losing friends and family and jobs. that to admit to mental health issues is in itself a death sentence sometimes. i had an older cousin that committed suicide. she had numerous attempts, was rescued, but eventually she freed herself of whatever was in her mind by ending her life.
life is precious. life is valuable. the decision to end a life is a personal choice that unless we can see the darkness we will not understand it. i am hoping we can have compassion for those around us living in a pit and do what ever we can to help them out.