brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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different kind of summer.

Summer has begun. Officially.
only there is stuff. there is always stuff. i hate stuff.
the weather here has not been cooperative for our farmers. I live in a farming community – and let me tell you it is a rough summer. Wet. Wet. More WET.
the corn and soy crops were at least 6 weeks behind in getting planted.
then they got planted and were up maybe 3 to 4 inches. and then….
more rain. and more rain. and more rain.
the fields were under water.
so, there are farmers that didn’t plant anything taking the insurance money.
and there are farmers that planted and now are at a huge loss.
we already will have no Ohio peaches because of the winter/spring weather.
now there will be no corn for animals for next winter and no corn for people in the fall.
what does a farmer do when this happens? how do they survive? what do they do to pay their bills? what happens to fields laying fallow for a whole year?

and next up is church. my Samwise is a pastor of a small church.
what the heck is wrong with people? like they want to go back to worship the way it was in 1957!!
i mean really – lets just kill the church now.
because it is all about them. forget the neighborhood – the people raising their grandchildren that could use help.
or the people addicted to drugs and alcohol that come for AA and NA that can use our help.
or the children that need to hear about the love of Jesus.
oh noooo… they aren’t the ‘right’ people. they don’t dress like us. they don’t vote like us…
oh Lord… help me keep my mouth shut and pray for what they don’t ‘see’. for our hearts. for our church to be like Jesus no matter what.

then next would be my job. i have a job. it actually entails 2.5 jobs.
i am grateful for employment. it pays the bills. my student loans. my house payment. food. medical bills. you get the jest.
BUT what are you trying to teach me Lord in this job? it is wearing me out. it is draining. and depressing. when those around me work to cheat the system they are in. when they defend people that lie. when they don’t say anything when people actually steal in ways that aren’t easily proved.
how do i respond to this? how do i love in this?
how the heck can i be like Jesus to these people?

and don’t get me started on students.
what the heck is wrong with them?
they complain. and whine. and are extremely negative.
taking no responsibility for their learning. their education.
expecting it to be handed over to them.
don’t get me started. it isn’t pretty.

stuff. family. marriage. children. taxes. life.
but in it all is the realization that the Lord is in control. He is there in every moment.
i breathe because He says BREATHE.
i exist because His Holy Spirit fills me.
i know of Him because of His Son’s death for my life.
so i wait. and watch. and be silent. brain be still and watch for Him.


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oh to tell the truth of our life

our life. full of ups and downs, rights and lefts, joys and sorrows. that is what life is about though as a believer in Jesus Christ and the Trinity of God.  we will live this life on earth to the best of our abilities in Jesus, clinging to Him. and right now we cling like a rock climber holding onto the small stones on the side of a cliff. we look up for the next steps He would have us take.
we have just returned home from a five day working retreat for pastors and their wives in the forests of Wisconsin. i cannot begin to tell how the Lord worked in our marriage and our hearts. He is prepping us for the next piece of the journey He has us on. and i will wait patiently not knowing anything about it, but knowing God the Father cares for us, Jesus has saved us and the Holy Spirit will lead us.
we left for the retreat knowing when we returned change was ahead. now we wait. it is not worrisome, it is not anxiously, it is waiting with the knowledge of His grace, peace, love and care. choices might be made for us, but God will use what ever happens for His blessing.