brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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today is yesterday. & Jesus really is there.

obviously i did not get back on after the post on July 10th. so today is the post for the 11th. 🙂
i was supposed to be off last week. like vacation. but that didn’t happen.
and i kind of was off. no work phone, no one interrupting my office work time.
i did go to several important quarterly meetings. and answered emails.
email. the bane of my job. holy cow. why do people email you the dumbest stuff?
watched the Tour de France everyday and am dying at what is going on. OMG.
thursday was absolutely CRAZY. between the mountains and the chasing it was NUTS.
worked in the gardens and beds. weeded. picked beans and yellow small tomatoes.
waiting on yellow squash… rather impatiently.
did the jaysgarden thing in one of my flower beds. cleared some items, laid layers of cardboard.
laid a layer of my black gold compost. laid vermiculite and soil, then added flower seeds.
and the seeds have sprouted!!! I am so excited about this.
i will now always use her way of creating beds, filling beds and then planting or seeding the bed.
she is the bomb of a gardener and shares her tips and tricks.
you can follow her on IG as well. highly highly recommended.
other things.
cincinnati with Beth Moore. you don’t know her?
well, if you are looking for Biblically sound, Scripturally based studies of the Word of God – find her.
she is on IG and Twitter. she is NOT on facebook for very very good reasons. look it up.
love love love her teaching. love her ability to give it to me straight – like she is reading my soul.
and this weekend was no exception. my storehouse. from my heart.
the BIG question: what is in my storehouse? am i filling it from the Lord’s heart???
oh holy conviction. slain. totally. and the worship. THE WORSHIP OF JESUS.
add in craziness with a sister in Christ – fabulous food (pic is from @funnelcakeisland) , great shopping adventures, midnight trains.
the willingness to journey anywhere, to not be afraid to try the new things, go where ever with me & i with her.
and getting locked out of our Airbnb house. OMG… what a freaking night.
short story. got done with the conference on Friday at 930. our house was 4 minutes from the church.
i am getting my stuff out of the car, she heads to the porch to unlock the keypad.
i get to the door. she says I locked the door. i say i thought you put the code in?
she says No i locked the regular door handle WHICH WE DON’T HAVE A KEY FOR.
she panics. full blown OMG we can’t get in the house. and it is dark. and a strange place.
so… we both start on our phones. i message the host. (that is another story).
i call the help center for Airbnb. (their special services did not call me back until almost 24 hours later).
in the end i said, ok, let’s give it 20 more minutes, go sit in the car and wait. she agreed.
we get in the car. she is still going a little nuts. i said give me your hand.
and i prayed. OK God – you know what is going on. You know we need to get in the house.
so whatever lesson we need to learn -teach us NOW. help us to be calm, help us to depend only on YOU God. thank you for this weekend. thank you for taking care of us no matter what. in Jesus, amen.
and right then the host messaged me and we got the hidden door key and got in.
so… what lesson did we need to learn?
she said she learned she is NOT in charge of ANYTHING.
i learned again that God takes care of my EVERY NEED. no matter what no matter when.
Jesus is there ALL THE TIME, EVERY TIME.
YOU can depend on HIM.
and it was FABULOUS to learn the same lesson over again for us both.
blessings dear ones. be safe. stay well. Trust in God – you cannot go wrong with the Trinity.


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Independence & Freedom Day

I am an American. Born, bred, breathe the Red, White & Blue.
but do not assume you know me because of that.
do i love my country? oh, yes I do.
would I die for my county? yes, based on what we were fighting for.
Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom for Democracy.
culture does not dictate these freedoms – the Constitution does.
but it does not dictate my soul. my soul freedom belongs to Christ.
the Great Divorce is the separation of Earth & Heaven.
i am free in Christ living on a fallen planet known as Earth.
God is the Creator and Saviour of all – nothing on this Earth is capable of that.
I celebrate America – our independence, our freedoms.
with cookouts, with family, watching fireworks, listening to music.
good food, good fellowship, and praying for my country.
the best ever was Chenoa Illinois. spent a week with Seminary friends.
the parade is amazing. it is long but with much to see – floats, bands, military and the kids all got more candy than they needed. Flea market that had everything. Food vendors for all the food you crave that is bad for you but tastes soooo good. and lastly a fireworks display that seemed like it was never going to end.
today is the 4th of July – a celebration of the United States of America and Freedom.
be safe. be wise. do not assume anything about anyone.
blessings.


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it is 3pm on Good Friday

and all of a sudden i cannot stop thinking about the Sacrifice of today.
if you don’t follow AmyOrr-Ewing, you should be. at least on IG.
because this week, every morning she posts a narrative about Holy Week and the day.
she is super duper intelligent, from Great Britain, and tells it like it is for us regular people.
so today. the day of Holy Week that death is defeated.
because of the One Sacrifice. because of my sins. me. because of me.
His Words from the Cross. how He died. what He knew.
and He knew exactly what He was doing.
all for Love. the Love of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
do you understand this? the Love of God so great, so magnificent He gave up His Son.
xoxoxoxxoxoxox.
blessings.


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the invisible war

war? yes, WAR.
despite the fact that it appears to be earthly, it really isn’t.
we have been warned, repeatedly.
yet we never learn.
this war started in the Garden with just two people.
one was a bully, one was bullied.
at least that is how i take it.
the war is not seen. but it is felt and heard.
in words and actions, in choices and decisions.
against each one of us that believes Jesus Christ is Lord.
our weapons? Ephesians 6 teaches us for our armor.
because we need the best armor out there to protect us.
we have Scripture, and prayer, and the Holy Spirit, and every weapon possible.
buck up. call on Christ. pray for strength & protection.
the evil one is more than happy that we don’t use our armor.
or pray for each other. or call on the Lord to take care of the war.
what war are you in right now?
remember you are not alone. Christ is with you. every step of the way.


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the holidays and reflections

it is 2022. half way through January. life moves on.
no matter what is happening or not happening.
life on earth. this life.
i spent a good deal of time on my own in my short time off.
i miss my three small children here. or my three teenaged children.
the holidays are not the same. and that is life.
i don’t mean to be depressing, or sad, but it is this life on earth that is not mine.
i cry for what has gone by and i did not appreciate it at the time.
i miss my grandmothers so very much. more than i knew. more than i thought possible.
i try to listen for what God is teaching me in this time. because we do not know the days we have.
so keep trying to be like Christ to a world that is hurting so very much it hurts others.
stay strong in your faith because we are never ever alone. ever.
right now in this moment of time i have too many people fighting for their physical life: cancer, cancer, cancer. oh how i hate cancer.
so keep at it dear ones. keep reading Scripture. keep looking out for what God is doing around you.
remember you are not alone.


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the journey of days

how many days to the end of life? your life? my life?
morbid? not really. as a former hospice nurse i have seen all types of death.
because as humans we will die a physical death.
at the holidays i observed some of the worst deaths. and some of the best.
i pray i die well. to be at peace with the Saviour of my soul.
to know i did my best on this planet that is not really my home.
that the regrets i have will be forgiven by those left behind.
and that whom ever knew me saw Jesus in me.
that i loved each person well despite what they believed about God or thought of me.
yesterday was Thanksgiving here in America.
but each day is thanksgiving. for so many things i cannot list them all. BUT….
today. i woke up. i have a spouse of 42 years that has loved me most well.
i have saving Grace and Mercy since i was 16. and despite my stupidity, God loves me more than i know.
i have food, a home, three children and a son-in-law that loves my eldest daughter.
my garden feeds my home and family and friends.
i am without nothing. nothing. i have Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom to go anywhere.
and so i am grateful and thankful each day.
there is soup simmering for church for tomorrow.
the music of Christmas that i love so well is playing.
i cry for the past that has come and gone – the memories that flood my heart bring the tears. such joy.
but today is present. and i hope you are well.
blessings on your day. and the holidays that might have joy or grief.
and no matter how many days any of us have left, we use them well.


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the Sower and the Seed

in the last two weeks i have heard the parable of the Sower and the Seed three times.
so that makes me stop to say What is it Lord that You are saying to me? What am i to learn from this Parable right now?
the weekend with Revive Our Hearts Grounded conference is the first time, then over the radio and now at the DYM100 2021 last week in California.
it isn’t about the Sower, it isn’t about the Seed, it is about the Soil. as a gardener that doesn’t use any chemicals, i know a few things about the Soil. actually, i love the soil in my garden. it is loaded with compost, rotted straw, leaves and grass clippings. my Soil is the most valuable part of my garden. if my Soil is bad, then i have no garden or i will lose everything i plant. one year, because of heavy spring rains for several weeks, i lost all my tomatoes to fungus. no fresh tomatoes that summer except for what i bought from the Amish.
so back to the Soil. the Soil is the heart of each person. four types. hard, stony, thorny and good soils. what is it about the Soil? in my mind it is what we feed the Soil, or not feed it. thinking about the Soil this way helps me to ask What am i doing for my heart? am i feeding my Soil? it also makes me to stop to consider those around me – what has been put into their soil? instead of questioning their motives, i now question their Soil. what has happened in their past to make them react they way they do? why do they treat others they way the do? is there something i can say or do to offset their hardness, their thorns, or their stones?
it amazes me how people react, what they say or do in situations of distress or chaos. and it makes me think about how i have acted in the past. how have i listened to others? to Jesus?
what will i do? i am working on feeding my Soil with the Word and study of Christ.
to choose to seek Him out.
to work hard to not choose culture or food or stuff.
to slowly work on helping others feed their Soil in Christ as well.
to pray. to remain calm. to stop and not speak, but to listen in all things.
what will you do?


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not what i expected

at all. work. world. pandemic. culture shifts. international unknowns.
what has happened?
well. first5 is in Habakkuk. and they have the same things going on.
idolatry. murderous nations. deception. humiliation. pure evil.
But God.
read that again.
But God.
things in my day-to-day aren’t that great right now.
deception. humiliation. deceitfulness. rampant idolatry of self.
But God.
God asks me to obey because His ways are best for me.
God is with me each day and He will be with me tomorrow through any struggle I face.
these are two themes this week in the Habukkuk study.
and i am leaning hard into this. reading each word each day.
writing in my Bible what it means for me.
this week was the reminder of His splendour and majestic presence.
i have confidence in His deliverance for me.
i might be frightened by my present circumstances, but He abides with me.
and He is in control, He loves me and cares for me.
so this may not end well for all involved. because there are always consequences for our choices.
but He is there. i am not alone in this.
and i will depend on Christ. on His guidance. His Holy Spirit in me.
But God.


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dare we discuss it?

what we really think or feel or are experiencing in life or what is happening to people around us?
culture. politics. jobs. families. viruses. murder. stress on top of stress. ethnicity. gender.
and we are tired.
all of us.
i am.
exhausted. totally fried.
every day dealing with people and pressures and expectations and personal attacks.
stressed beyond stressed.
and there seems to be no end to this. none.
i am rereading A Wrinkle in Time. love this book.
about good versus evil. light versus darkness. having the sense to stop and listen and wait.
what ever is going on it is about our reaction to it all.
i have to kick myself when i get in to the ‘OMG what are they doing to me?!” mode.
because each human being is made in God’s image ~ that image of the Holy Trinity.
and each of us is dealing with so very much.
so step back. stop. and breathe.
and remind yourself that as a believer in Jesus Christ we have His power and His Spirit to fill us, enfold us, protect us.

but just so you know ~ every once in a while i do scream into my pillow or sit on the toilet and have a good cry.


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what happened to kindness?

gentleness.
compassion.
listening.
to stop and wait before reacting?
because when i listen it seems to make the other person angrier.
more hateful. less to listen. provokes scorn.
so i wait more. non defensive.
attempting to show empathy and kindness to the human across from me.

and inside i am writhing in pain.
as the arrows are flung deep into my heart.
but the Lord is full of mercy and compassion.
He is my Guardian. my Protector.
these lies will not pierce through what He has provided in armor.

a pandemic.
job changes.
family issues.
death.
stress.
conflict.
we have all seen it/felt it/ watched it.

please. be kind to the person across from you.