brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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2018

OH…it is here… 2018. In all of its fireworks eating too much drinking too much staying up too late too much…. the world celebrated despite the cold. and now, it is quiet and reflective in snow & ice & cold for much of us.
I did not stay up late, drink too much, eat too much or see any fireworks. My Samwise and I headed south… Atlanta. Drove the 9.5 hours… dined at Anticos for pizza then had gelato, then went to bed. Atlanta. Because then we got up, drove downtown and did the Passion2018 conference. Year number 4. to serve as Doorholders to 20,000 college students. to see Jesus in action, to watch the Holy Spirit moving, and to know that God, my Father, is chasing after them with wild passion.
I am still processing, thinking, feeling, wondering. If only I could describe the music reverberating the arena, the singing of praise to King Jesus, the hands and arms open in worship, the prayers uplifted to the Holy One. what a privilege, what a hushed honour, what a blessing to this old lady. and in the end we witness Hope, Faith, Justice, Mercy in Jesus.
there are other images as well from our journey. The little man sleeping on the sidewalk in the entrance to a bank, huddled in his coat, hat, gloves, blanket. The people walking in the brutal cold with their possessions in plastic bags. The hands and eyes of those looking back at me… I wonder why is that not me? how did this happen? what choices did they make to end here? what lies of the evil one did they believe that led them here? why can’t we do something about this?
and in the end on the last day in the last hour there was a young woman asking for prayer. and because there was only me I said yes and heard her heart cry out to God her Father for wisdom grace forgiveness clarity mercy …. for everything a Daughter of the Risen King living in the enemy’s land needs to survive the attack on her heart. her tears falling as her words poured out to Him. and i wondered Why… why Lord did You send her my way? I prayed and listened. and prayed more. I am trusting the Father that He will do what needs done in her life, and am praying for the blood of Jesus to cover her in protection and grace. as for all the students that were there… that they take what they heard to heart and lean on Jesus and the power of His resurrection… in whatever comes their way.

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the Glorious Season of Christ

it is here. the Birth of my Saviour. the Celebration of the Son of God. but not everyone celebrates. there is sadness, death, illness, starvation, suicide. Humanity. we are so poor in spirit without the Saviour. so broken in everything. I want to shout sometimes ~ can you not see what He can do for your heart? your soul? your life?  GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. let the One that comes this time of year as a babe in a trough… let His weakness give you strength, let His humanness give you Grace, let His pure Love save you from yourself.
i had a work retreat today. i prayed the entire way there… let me be Generous in kindness Lord. let me be humble in giving Lord. let me be like You, Lord. these are well-versed people in using others, in thinking only of themselves, in not trusting. Lord, let me be today what they need.
there is a Babe in a manger waiting for you. there is a Morning Star hoping to shine His Glory through you. don’t wait… go now, speak your pain to Him, cry your tears into His Hands, leave yourself at the manger and see how it became the Cross and the Empty Tomb. go now. it is never too late.


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life and its questions

i am deactivating facebook for Lent. it is a good thing. i get depressed when i get on social media sometimes. the weddings, the grandbabies, the vacations, the new furniture. i am better off not knowing how perfectly perfect everyone’s life seems to be. because mine isn’t. never has been, never will be. my reality is mine and it is relatively imperfect. that is not a bad thing either. because without the imperfection of my life, i would not have seen Jesus in each moment.
so, i ask questions of God my Father… and i wait for the answer. but i know the answer most of the time. it is because He is good, all knowing, and wise. His heart is set on the best of intentions for me. living on this side of Heaven, i ponder how to live each day one at a time. some days i am better at it than others.

Joshua 23: 14
know this with all your heart, with everything in you, that not one detail has failed of all the good things God has promised you it has all happened, nothing left undone not so much as a word.    The Message


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this is september?

here we are in September. September!?? and we are still having 90 degree days here.  My garden is put away for the season already ~  unheard of before Labor day weekend. but everything here is dry and cracked and crunching in any breeze we might have. my elderberries did not bloom this year either. as I put the soaker hoses away and the stakes for the tomatoes that died i looked at my soil. I have fed my soil well over the years with mulch and compost. but keeping up with water needs was too much this year. I do not want my soul to become like my soil ~ cracked, dry, lifeless. Even the worms have gone underground searching for food and moisture.
So i rely on the Grace of Jesus Christ. His blood that saves me every day because I am human. I do not want to be a Martha, working, complaining, never feeding my soul.  I don’t do it well most days tho and end up like a martha. ugh. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. C. S, Lewis. 


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mid July

looked at the calendar this morning…. there is 4 weeks to the start of school full time. I have too much to do and not enough time, always that way. Tons of rain here, but no flooding yet, more is coming this week. I have the tomatoes tied up, the food sprinkled in the soil and foliage sprayed with leaf food. The geraniums have been trimmed of yellow leaves, musty flower heads and dead stems. I have most of the peaches canned into jam, but will be canning the rest today in light syrup.  And my beans are looking amazing, so I will be canning beans like crazy in a few weeks, probably just in time for hotter weather!!!  Lettuces look good even though they got in late.
and life. Life in Jesus. life as a Christian.  one day at a time, seeing what others say and do. Love. how does one love NO MATTER WHAT? Love, the command that Christ gave to each of us. Love.


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one word

so, church did the one word thing this year and i had a word. BUT, in the last two weeks there has been ONE word that keeps repeating itself. on the radio, the television, things i am reading. Priorities.
so now i question if i have my priorities in line with God. and today it is really hard because of the blue sky, the wispy white clouds, the breeze and all the green color!!!


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since January…

after posting the last post…. I ended up in the ER and had surgery. I missed a week of work and clinicals. What an experience!!  Outpatient surgery, drugs, GI system totally messed up, and I felt like poo.  BUT it was a good learning experience which I never want to go thru again!!!
In the life I live other days ~ there is so much on my mind that I want to write but don’t have time. All I can say is God is amazing and I truly need to TRUST Him for everything. the evil one desires to deceive, divide and destroy but Christ is greater in me and I belong to Him.