brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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Independence & Freedom Day

I am an American. Born, bred, breathe the Red, White & Blue.
but do not assume you know me because of that.
do i love my country? oh, yes I do.
would I die for my county? yes, based on what we were fighting for.
Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom for Democracy.
culture does not dictate these freedoms – the Constitution does.
but it does not dictate my soul. my soul freedom belongs to Christ.
the Great Divorce is the separation of Earth & Heaven.
i am free in Christ living on a fallen planet known as Earth.
God is the Creator and Saviour of all – nothing on this Earth is capable of that.
I celebrate America – our independence, our freedoms.
with cookouts, with family, watching fireworks, listening to music.
good food, good fellowship, and praying for my country.
the best ever was Chenoa Illinois. spent a week with Seminary friends.
the parade is amazing. it is long but with much to see – floats, bands, military and the kids all got more candy than they needed. Flea market that had everything. Food vendors for all the food you crave that is bad for you but tastes soooo good. and lastly a fireworks display that seemed like it was never going to end.
today is the 4th of July – a celebration of the United States of America and Freedom.
be safe. be wise. do not assume anything about anyone.
blessings.


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July 2nd, 2022

it is hard to give this post a title. there is sooooo much on my mind and heart.
most important would be in less than 30 days my French daughter will be home for two weeks.
oh holy cows. like oh holy cows. i am trying to remain calm.
but it has been since March 2020 that we have been in the same room.
she got out just as the world shut down for COVID19.
thank the Lord for What’sApp and for Zoom.
next is the big man’s birthday is this month. and it is a BIG one!!!!!! i don’t think he is ready.
then there is a week off at home to prep for the daughter and SIL for August.
headed to see Beth Moore, funnel cakes at Funnel Cake Island food truck, quilt shops and maybe Chick Fil A. fellowship, food, fun and laughter.
still working in the garden. and the house.
watching the 2022 Tour de France that began yesterday. OMG. Denmark is gorgeous. i want to go.
trying to maintain boundaries at work. so difficult.
there is so much to do and not enough time. but if i don’t get out, leave, i make myself sick.
because then there is the world – the whole mess of Earth.
so that brings me to this side of Heaven. on Earth. trying to live like Christ.
to be His reflection. His presence to others.
and dang if that isn’t difficult still. so i beg the Holy Spirit to take my tongue, my thoughts, my mind, my heart and please please please get the evil one out and fill me with Christ.
besides Scripture, the Holy Word i recommend a number of writers.
Amy Seiffert. Barb Roose. Priscilla Shirer. Jada Edwards. Kim Cash Tate. Colleen Chao. Portia Collins.
the list is too long. so find yourself some women who write about the Word and read them with your Bible.
oldies i read each summer? oh yessssss.
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
Can You Drink the Cup by Henri J.M. Nouwen.
Christy by Catherine Marshall.
Fervent by Priscilla Shirer.
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle.
anything by C.S. Lewis, but especially Till We Have Faces.
lastly my faves from my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Black, The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe by Lewis and Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery.
get off your phone, get off your computer.
read your Bible. read a good book. fall in love with Jesus all over again.
blessings.


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it just keeps getting worse

work. work this week was the absolute worst week ever.
not including gas prices, food prices, inflation.
so i stop. i pause. i consider What am i being Taught?
what is it about putting out fires all the time and not being able to do the jobs i have?
what? the tyranny of the urgent has been the last three weeks and each week is worse than the one before.
worse.
i spend time under a blue sky white clouds and streaming sun.
i check on the garden beds. the squash seeds are sprouted. the new rhubarb roots are growing.
lettuces are up. beans are looking good.
something is eating the pepper plants again. OMG.
and the tomatoes are doing well.
flowers are not looking great – too much hot sun a week ago and then too much wetness.
one day at a time. just one day. and then it is one hour at a time.
and silently know that control is not mine. in any of it.
so maybe that is the lesson.
to yield everything to Christ. all of it. every bit of life.


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weekly wanderings.

words for this past week?
there are none. not one. only full emotionally charged brain activity.
dark despairings. anger that isn’t righteous.
at all of it. even the little things in my life.
debt that was dumped on us. expectations that are from the self-righteous.
not being good enough for anything. i did it all wrong in my choices.
death of the innocent and innocence in life.
young men so wounded in their lives they crush kill destroy others.
young women so wounded in their lives they crush kill destroy themselves.
old women needing so much control they crush kill destroy those they “love”.
culture that is manipulated & thwarted by evil.
so there are no words for any of this.
except to run. run away in my mind my heart my soul. run.


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does it really matter?

what i write? what i think? what i say?
what matters? what really matters to you?
to the innermost of your heart, your soul, your emotional mind.
what matters to those pieces of you?
there is so much on my mind that words don’t seem adequate at times.
the stress and anxiety of life at this moment.
it actually could consume me. swallowed into the darkness.
but i do not let my mind go there. because Christ is my Light.
His mercy, His Grace, His Breath in me, His Word of Truth in my heart.
so whatever it is you are dealing with today ~ you matter.
you truly matter. and the darkness will not overcome you.
because we are made in the image of God.
and He loves each one of us.


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summer and such

even though the calendar does not say ‘summer’ yet, it feels much like it. over 80 degrees, dry weather, pollen flying.
and we barbecued last night. oh it tasted so good. grilled barbecued chicken and salads. yummmmm.
i had a super duper busy week last week and am totally tired. still. two 14 hour days at the end.
too much going on. not enough help so i get to do it all. and that is my job.
so this weekend has been filled with chores. the chores of life and the cusp of summer.
just turned the canner off for the second time. i did chicken bone broth.
the way prices are and hidden ingredients it is much better to make my own.
i need to do the inventory for the pantry. and then the freezer.
who knows what food costs will be this fall. or gasoline. or electricity. or anything.
so i will keep canning and preserving and not worry about it.
today in church online was about The Good Samaritan. again, i am given a new perspective.
that i am the one beaten and dying on the roadside. i am the one in need of mercy and kindness.
i am the one that is cared for by a stranger who does everything for me with no regard for how it will affect him.
i am the one in need of the One that doesn’t really have to do anything, but does every time.
oh dear. i am the one. the dirty one. the bleeding one. the beaten one.
and Christ, the One, takes me on.
the Shepherd searching for the one, me. that is my Saviour.
the Samaritan taking care of the stranger, me. that is my Saviour.
the Man dying on the Cross for humanity, me. that is my Saviour.
and then rising, beating Death and giving me life. that is my Saviour.


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VE Day

today. the day when Europe celebrated the end of WWII in Europe.
the defeat of Hitler, the Germans and the Russians.
and today. the war rages in the Ukraine.
Lord. we pray for the end of the war and the defeat of the Russians.
for the women that have lost fathers, mothers, grandchildren, children, sisters, brothers, biological and spiritual. be with them in their grief and sorrow.
reveal to us Lord what we are to do to fight the darkness and evil.
help us to see how You would be each day.
thank you Jesus for my freedoms. religious. political. speech. let me not take them for granted.


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what we don’t talk about

oh so many things. the list is long. very long.
the emotional turmoil of what we don’t talk about lives within us.
sometimes hidden deeply in our hearts and souls.
hiding. in an attempt to protect us.
but in the end it will find a path into our minds.
reminding us of the pain & anguish it created.
topics we don’t even discuss with those we live with.
the people we think we love.
so this Mother’s day weekend how willing are you to search your heart and mind?
to let His light shine on what is broken and in need of repair?
because no friend no spouse no sibling can do the work for you.
only the Creator, God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit.


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words that give

much to think about from yesterday’s sermon.
words. the ones you speak. or write. or think.
words are so very very important.
think of the last 30 days.
what words have we heard? used? written?
i know the strength of words spoken and written.
as well as the unwritten and unspoken.
choose carefully the words you use.
i wait to speak in any conversation.
i will write, then read, then rewrite what needs written.
because words provide hope, strength, life.
or they cut like a sword. to crush, kill, destroy.
what words do you speak or write or think?
i go back to the Psalms and Proverbs for words.
or the words of Jesus. truth in love.
mercy and grace while revealing error.
let me be like that.


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each day to come

April’s end is here. and it has been crazy in Ohio.
the rhubarb is up. new roots are planted. picking asparagus this past week.
tulips are ready to pop. might have killed one of my new plants due to the hard frost.
clematis are trimmed.
and just like that pruning and cleaning and cutting is done.
in the hopes of new growth and new flowers to smell or foods to eat.
much like me. the pruning and cutting continues in my heart and mind and soul.
may He never be done with me.
teaching me to rely only, solely on Him.
for life and breath and air and food of my soul.
this earth. the blue sky. the green grass. the deep dark soil. my earth.
my little plot this side of heaven.
let me steward it well. to feed us. to nurture us.
as the Word feeds me. reminds me who i am in Him.