brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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the Glorious Season of Christ

it is here. the Birth of my Saviour. the Celebration of the Son of God. but not everyone celebrates. there is sadness, death, illness, starvation, suicide. Humanity. we are so poor in spirit without the Saviour. so broken in everything. I want to shout sometimes ~ can you not see what He can do for your heart? your soul? your life?  GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. let the One that comes this time of year as a babe in a trough… let His weakness give you strength, let His humanness give you Grace, let His pure Love save you from yourself.
i had a work retreat today. i prayed the entire way there… let me be Generous in kindness Lord. let me be humble in giving Lord. let me be like You, Lord. these are well-versed people in using others, in thinking only of themselves, in not trusting. Lord, let me be today what they need.
there is a Babe in a manger waiting for you. there is a Morning Star hoping to shine His Glory through you. don’t wait… go now, speak your pain to Him, cry your tears into His Hands, leave yourself at the manger and see how it became the Cross and the Empty Tomb. go now. it is never too late.

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It’s the LAST chance!!!!!

I want to say Really? the LAST chance??  the absolute LAST chance. to accumulate STUFF. to buy THINGS for others they may not need or want. to SPEND more money than I have.  i heard there was lots of money spent on Black Friday. so much so, that there was a fight in our local mall over STUFF. in a men’s department. REALLY???

we are doing a series in Sunday school on the birth of Jesus. can you imagine having nothing? leaving home and parents and comfort to ride a donkey 9 months pregnant because you know it isn’t about the STUFF. it is about the heart of faith a very young woman had. and then you deliver your first child in a barn, an animal filled sweaty straw manure smelling no privacy barn. there were no nice THINGS. no money SPENT to shower the newborn with gifts. but a sweet smelling soft skin Son. the Son. and it isn’t about CHANCE, but about repeated opportunities of blessing and mercy and grace given over and over and over and over.

Thanksgiving. the bane of family get-togethers. especially ours. I pray the whole time I am there – to let me be like Jesus, to not be a wise cracking smart mouth. to see the image of God in each human present. I need a LOT of help in this area. so i am thankful. especially for my family – my husband, my three children, my garden, my home, my faith that God has lit in me.


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she does it again.

here i sit.. with the rain filling my yard and soon to snow… listening to the familiar words and the tunes… but the voice of Sara Groves… for me… it is liquid grace and courage, the voice that reminds me of Jesus… no matter what is going on or in my head at that moment. She has been with me in darkness and light… in the garden at 2am when i cried out to the Lord about my existence and there she was singing about the moon reflecting the Son. You know how there is that one singer at certain times of your life that get you through everything????  when I was a teenager it was Carly Simon… getting me through my parents divorce and crazy boys and suicidal friends. but for a very long time now it has been Sara Groves. singing about her life, her marriage, her children, her Faith in Christ… if you haven’t found her… go now, she is on iTunes… and get Abide With Me… or better yet… get Conversations, and then get All Right Here and then get Less Like Scars and then get Fireflies and Songs and then get O Holy Night and then get Add to The Beauty .. because they are all my favorite… every one of them. Last year I drove home from The Abbey of the Genesee and listened to all of them… thank you Sara Groves… for being vulnerable and honest and bold.


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there are days….

I want to crawl into bed and never get out.
Eat everything in sight.
Sew and crochet all day.
Read books and drink tea until my eyes hurt.
Hold a baby.
Tell people exactly what I think.
Run away from humanity.
but in the end the Lord of the Universe, the Son Jesus reminds me of my purpose and the Holy Spirit breathes a life of calm and grace into my weary soul. and i know. i just know. that He is here, leading guiding building loving caring weeping watching over me. Because I am His and He is mine. no matter what. no matter the dirt of my spirit, the soiled heart, the filthy rags i hide in… He has made me His.


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Freedom

Today is Veteran’s Day in the United States. A day we honour the men and women that have fought to keep us independent and American. It makes me think of my freedom in Christ. and my girlfriend Kim that took the time to love me, even though I didn’t understand it. She took me to Young Life and there I met Jesus. My Freedom in Christ began with Kim. and I wish I could tell her how much I love her for that, for taking a chance on me when others wouldn’t. But leukemia took her much too young and my sister-in-Christ is in Heaven singing her heart out to Jesus.
I am so grateful for both of my Freedoms. the freedom to speak, to worship, to pray, to be me.
the garden is put to bed – slightly frosted and still. and the birth of the Saviour of the world, the Creator of the sun, moon, and stars is around the corner. there is much ado about buying presents for others and sales in the shops and what will your holidays be like. but here it is quiet in my home, quiet in my heart, disturbed by the worldliness of what should be revered. if my children were little i would be combatting the culture and regret that i didn’t do it enough when they were small. if we ever are blessed with grandchildren I want to keep it real & honest & homey, hoping they hide in their hearts the Truth of Love and Grace and Mercy.


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too busy. too warm. not enough rain.

still warm. and we are behind in rain. half way through October. and the Lord is in the Heavens and God is in control. i am too busy, but am praying for revelation in time management as well as the ability to walk away and leave it for tomorrow. because it is one day at a time. one day. and there is only one of me, doing 2.5 jobs. recently i was in Las Vegas for a workshop. what a sad sad city. so bereft of kindness. you can get anything you want if you spend the money. Cold. Hard. Cash. and when i say anything, i mean anything. there were Men with cards with pictures of young women to act as an escort. there were young women wearing only enough to cover their nipples and their bikini triangle wanting you to spend money to have your picture taken with them. there were people with tee shirts on wanting you to call the Orgasm Clinic. there was so much, it was some what of a sensory overload. then add all the lights,  the noise, the throngs of people, the smells of alcohol, cigarettes marijuana cigars, the food smells.
and today is the Sabbath. when the Lord Himself is wanting conversation with me while i am with fellow believers. Sabbath. Rest. Worship. I wonder what He thinks when He sees what Humanity is doing in Las Vegas.
so i keep reading my Bible. the new one i got for my anniversary, a She Reads Truth bible. it is fabulous. and i love it. there is a new fire in my soul, for the Word, for Jesus. i am thankful the dry plains are gone. and Jesus is feeding me His Word. there isn’t enough time for the studying i am wanting to do, the reading, the soaking it in.
enjoy your Sunday!!!


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Anniversary

#38. eeeeekkkkk!!!!!!  #38????!!!!!  I have been married 38 years. and I wouldn’t trade one day of it. not the good the bad or the ugly – and believe me i produced the ugly!!! I am hopeful we are given many more healthy  years together, but we shall see what the Lord has in mind.
the weather when we got married is not what we are  having right now. We had a great morning wedding, with perfect fall weather. I remember wearing my skirt, jacket, hat when we left for our honeymoon because it was cool. I have put my garden to bed except for the marigolds, which are gorgeous. we are to have 90 degrees for the 2 more days, then I hope a drop in the temps…please Lord!!!!!