brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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hot & humid ~ it is Ohio.

not sure what will happen with my garden.
the screwy weather is wreaking havoc on everything. ugh.
BUT the good news is my daughter and husband WILL BE HERE IN 8 DAYS!!!!
like holy cow.
went to Costco yesterday and bought a ton of stuff. food mostly.
need to finish a few things around the house. like too much.
but let’s discuss last week. the week after the Beth Moore weekend.
always can count on the evil one to massively attack.
work was horrible. absolutely horrible.
so horrible i lost my temper on Thursday. like wow. i am an idiot.
fell for the wiles of the evil one. again. and again. and again.
just one day i would like to not go there, where ever the evil one wants me to go.
so Holy Spirit prick my brain and my heart with every attack.
because i cannot do this without you.
this next week will be nuts. the prep for fall term.
the prep for the kids to arrive from Paris.
what are you up to this next week?
good or bad remember Jesus is with you.


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today is yesterday. & Jesus really is there.

obviously i did not get back on after the post on July 10th. so today is the post for the 11th. 🙂
i was supposed to be off last week. like vacation. but that didn’t happen.
and i kind of was off. no work phone, no one interrupting my office work time.
i did go to several important quarterly meetings. and answered emails.
email. the bane of my job. holy cow. why do people email you the dumbest stuff?
watched the Tour de France everyday and am dying at what is going on. OMG.
thursday was absolutely CRAZY. between the mountains and the chasing it was NUTS.
worked in the gardens and beds. weeded. picked beans and yellow small tomatoes.
waiting on yellow squash… rather impatiently.
did the jaysgarden thing in one of my flower beds. cleared some items, laid layers of cardboard.
laid a layer of my black gold compost. laid vermiculite and soil, then added flower seeds.
and the seeds have sprouted!!! I am so excited about this.
i will now always use her way of creating beds, filling beds and then planting or seeding the bed.
she is the bomb of a gardener and shares her tips and tricks.
you can follow her on IG as well. highly highly recommended.
other things.
cincinnati with Beth Moore. you don’t know her?
well, if you are looking for Biblically sound, Scripturally based studies of the Word of God – find her.
she is on IG and Twitter. she is NOT on facebook for very very good reasons. look it up.
love love love her teaching. love her ability to give it to me straight – like she is reading my soul.
and this weekend was no exception. my storehouse. from my heart.
the BIG question: what is in my storehouse? am i filling it from the Lord’s heart???
oh holy conviction. slain. totally. and the worship. THE WORSHIP OF JESUS.
add in craziness with a sister in Christ – fabulous food (pic is from @funnelcakeisland) , great shopping adventures, midnight trains.
the willingness to journey anywhere, to not be afraid to try the new things, go where ever with me & i with her.
and getting locked out of our Airbnb house. OMG… what a freaking night.
short story. got done with the conference on Friday at 930. our house was 4 minutes from the church.
i am getting my stuff out of the car, she heads to the porch to unlock the keypad.
i get to the door. she says I locked the door. i say i thought you put the code in?
she says No i locked the regular door handle WHICH WE DON’T HAVE A KEY FOR.
she panics. full blown OMG we can’t get in the house. and it is dark. and a strange place.
so… we both start on our phones. i message the host. (that is another story).
i call the help center for Airbnb. (their special services did not call me back until almost 24 hours later).
in the end i said, ok, let’s give it 20 more minutes, go sit in the car and wait. she agreed.
we get in the car. she is still going a little nuts. i said give me your hand.
and i prayed. OK God – you know what is going on. You know we need to get in the house.
so whatever lesson we need to learn -teach us NOW. help us to be calm, help us to depend only on YOU God. thank you for this weekend. thank you for taking care of us no matter what. in Jesus, amen.
and right then the host messaged me and we got the hidden door key and got in.
so… what lesson did we need to learn?
she said she learned she is NOT in charge of ANYTHING.
i learned again that God takes care of my EVERY NEED. no matter what no matter when.
Jesus is there ALL THE TIME, EVERY TIME.
YOU can depend on HIM.
and it was FABULOUS to learn the same lesson over again for us both.
blessings dear ones. be safe. stay well. Trust in God – you cannot go wrong with the Trinity.


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crazy thoughts this past week

i want to win the lottery and run away. of course, you have to buy a ticket to win!
how do those guys in the Tour de France eat enough to cycle every day?
what is it about chimpmunks and digging holes in my garden? i mean really.
how does a tomato plant know that it needs more calcium?
what does a dog dream about?
as people age does everyone become cranky and rude???
why can’t we have Thor come save the Ukraine?
the mystery of the death of death in the Risen Christ – OMG.
why can’t my brain be like a computer and pull up the files when i need them?
that is it for now. more tomorrow!!!!!


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Independence & Freedom Day

I am an American. Born, bred, breathe the Red, White & Blue.
but do not assume you know me because of that.
do i love my country? oh, yes I do.
would I die for my county? yes, based on what we were fighting for.
Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom for Democracy.
culture does not dictate these freedoms – the Constitution does.
but it does not dictate my soul. my soul freedom belongs to Christ.
the Great Divorce is the separation of Earth & Heaven.
i am free in Christ living on a fallen planet known as Earth.
God is the Creator and Saviour of all – nothing on this Earth is capable of that.
I celebrate America – our independence, our freedoms.
with cookouts, with family, watching fireworks, listening to music.
good food, good fellowship, and praying for my country.
the best ever was Chenoa Illinois. spent a week with Seminary friends.
the parade is amazing. it is long but with much to see – floats, bands, military and the kids all got more candy than they needed. Flea market that had everything. Food vendors for all the food you crave that is bad for you but tastes soooo good. and lastly a fireworks display that seemed like it was never going to end.
today is the 4th of July – a celebration of the United States of America and Freedom.
be safe. be wise. do not assume anything about anyone.
blessings.


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July 2nd, 2022

it is hard to give this post a title. there is sooooo much on my mind and heart.
most important would be in less than 30 days my French daughter will be home for two weeks.
oh holy cows. like oh holy cows. i am trying to remain calm.
but it has been since March 2020 that we have been in the same room.
she got out just as the world shut down for COVID19.
thank the Lord for What’sApp and for Zoom.
next is the big man’s birthday is this month. and it is a BIG one!!!!!! i don’t think he is ready.
then there is a week off at home to prep for the daughter and SIL for August.
headed to see Beth Moore, funnel cakes at Funnel Cake Island food truck, quilt shops and maybe Chick Fil A. fellowship, food, fun and laughter.
still working in the garden. and the house.
watching the 2022 Tour de France that began yesterday. OMG. Denmark is gorgeous. i want to go.
trying to maintain boundaries at work. so difficult.
there is so much to do and not enough time. but if i don’t get out, leave, i make myself sick.
because then there is the world – the whole mess of Earth.
so that brings me to this side of Heaven. on Earth. trying to live like Christ.
to be His reflection. His presence to others.
and dang if that isn’t difficult still. so i beg the Holy Spirit to take my tongue, my thoughts, my mind, my heart and please please please get the evil one out and fill me with Christ.
besides Scripture, the Holy Word i recommend a number of writers.
Amy Seiffert. Barb Roose. Priscilla Shirer. Jada Edwards. Kim Cash Tate. Colleen Chao. Portia Collins.
the list is too long. so find yourself some women who write about the Word and read them with your Bible.
oldies i read each summer? oh yessssss.
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
Can You Drink the Cup by Henri J.M. Nouwen.
Christy by Catherine Marshall.
Fervent by Priscilla Shirer.
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle.
anything by C.S. Lewis, but especially Till We Have Faces.
lastly my faves from my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Black, The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe by Lewis and Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery.
get off your phone, get off your computer.
read your Bible. read a good book. fall in love with Jesus all over again.
blessings.


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it just keeps getting worse

work. work this week was the absolute worst week ever.
not including gas prices, food prices, inflation.
so i stop. i pause. i consider What am i being Taught?
what is it about putting out fires all the time and not being able to do the jobs i have?
what? the tyranny of the urgent has been the last three weeks and each week is worse than the one before.
worse.
i spend time under a blue sky white clouds and streaming sun.
i check on the garden beds. the squash seeds are sprouted. the new rhubarb roots are growing.
lettuces are up. beans are looking good.
something is eating the pepper plants again. OMG.
and the tomatoes are doing well.
flowers are not looking great – too much hot sun a week ago and then too much wetness.
one day at a time. just one day. and then it is one hour at a time.
and silently know that control is not mine. in any of it.
so maybe that is the lesson.
to yield everything to Christ. all of it. every bit of life.


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weekly wanderings.

words for this past week?
there are none. not one. only full emotionally charged brain activity.
dark despairings. anger that isn’t righteous.
at all of it. even the little things in my life.
debt that was dumped on us. expectations that are from the self-righteous.
not being good enough for anything. i did it all wrong in my choices.
death of the innocent and innocence in life.
young men so wounded in their lives they crush kill destroy others.
young women so wounded in their lives they crush kill destroy themselves.
old women needing so much control they crush kill destroy those they “love”.
culture that is manipulated & thwarted by evil.
so there are no words for any of this.
except to run. run away in my mind my heart my soul. run.


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does it really matter?

what i write? what i think? what i say?
what matters? what really matters to you?
to the innermost of your heart, your soul, your emotional mind.
what matters to those pieces of you?
there is so much on my mind that words don’t seem adequate at times.
the stress and anxiety of life at this moment.
it actually could consume me. swallowed into the darkness.
but i do not let my mind go there. because Christ is my Light.
His mercy, His Grace, His Breath in me, His Word of Truth in my heart.
so whatever it is you are dealing with today ~ you matter.
you truly matter. and the darkness will not overcome you.
because we are made in the image of God.
and He loves each one of us.


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summer and such

even though the calendar does not say ‘summer’ yet, it feels much like it. over 80 degrees, dry weather, pollen flying.
and we barbecued last night. oh it tasted so good. grilled barbecued chicken and salads. yummmmm.
i had a super duper busy week last week and am totally tired. still. two 14 hour days at the end.
too much going on. not enough help so i get to do it all. and that is my job.
so this weekend has been filled with chores. the chores of life and the cusp of summer.
just turned the canner off for the second time. i did chicken bone broth.
the way prices are and hidden ingredients it is much better to make my own.
i need to do the inventory for the pantry. and then the freezer.
who knows what food costs will be this fall. or gasoline. or electricity. or anything.
so i will keep canning and preserving and not worry about it.
today in church online was about The Good Samaritan. again, i am given a new perspective.
that i am the one beaten and dying on the roadside. i am the one in need of mercy and kindness.
i am the one that is cared for by a stranger who does everything for me with no regard for how it will affect him.
i am the one in need of the One that doesn’t really have to do anything, but does every time.
oh dear. i am the one. the dirty one. the bleeding one. the beaten one.
and Christ, the One, takes me on.
the Shepherd searching for the one, me. that is my Saviour.
the Samaritan taking care of the stranger, me. that is my Saviour.
the Man dying on the Cross for humanity, me. that is my Saviour.
and then rising, beating Death and giving me life. that is my Saviour.