brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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hot & humid ~ it is Ohio.

not sure what will happen with my garden.
the screwy weather is wreaking havoc on everything. ugh.
BUT the good news is my daughter and husband WILL BE HERE IN 8 DAYS!!!!
like holy cow.
went to Costco yesterday and bought a ton of stuff. food mostly.
need to finish a few things around the house. like too much.
but let’s discuss last week. the week after the Beth Moore weekend.
always can count on the evil one to massively attack.
work was horrible. absolutely horrible.
so horrible i lost my temper on Thursday. like wow. i am an idiot.
fell for the wiles of the evil one. again. and again. and again.
just one day i would like to not go there, where ever the evil one wants me to go.
so Holy Spirit prick my brain and my heart with every attack.
because i cannot do this without you.
this next week will be nuts. the prep for fall term.
the prep for the kids to arrive from Paris.
what are you up to this next week?
good or bad remember Jesus is with you.


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Independence & Freedom Day

I am an American. Born, bred, breathe the Red, White & Blue.
but do not assume you know me because of that.
do i love my country? oh, yes I do.
would I die for my county? yes, based on what we were fighting for.
Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom for Democracy.
culture does not dictate these freedoms – the Constitution does.
but it does not dictate my soul. my soul freedom belongs to Christ.
the Great Divorce is the separation of Earth & Heaven.
i am free in Christ living on a fallen planet known as Earth.
God is the Creator and Saviour of all – nothing on this Earth is capable of that.
I celebrate America – our independence, our freedoms.
with cookouts, with family, watching fireworks, listening to music.
good food, good fellowship, and praying for my country.
the best ever was Chenoa Illinois. spent a week with Seminary friends.
the parade is amazing. it is long but with much to see – floats, bands, military and the kids all got more candy than they needed. Flea market that had everything. Food vendors for all the food you crave that is bad for you but tastes soooo good. and lastly a fireworks display that seemed like it was never going to end.
today is the 4th of July – a celebration of the United States of America and Freedom.
be safe. be wise. do not assume anything about anyone.
blessings.


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VE Day

today. the day when Europe celebrated the end of WWII in Europe.
the defeat of Hitler, the Germans and the Russians.
and today. the war rages in the Ukraine.
Lord. we pray for the end of the war and the defeat of the Russians.
for the women that have lost fathers, mothers, grandchildren, children, sisters, brothers, biological and spiritual. be with them in their grief and sorrow.
reveal to us Lord what we are to do to fight the darkness and evil.
help us to see how You would be each day.
thank you Jesus for my freedoms. religious. political. speech. let me not take them for granted.


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snow.

snow. the perfect combination of cold and water.
and each flake is different. individual.
falling. and cold. and despite their individual weight, when they come together they are heavy.
i love snow. the sound of snow falling. the crisp of the air. the reflection of light in the snow.
how does one live where there is no snow?


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i know i sound depressing

but i have had a migraine for two days.
and there has been no let up in the stress in my life. or the pressure.
or the expectation in the day to day.
i have a pile of work to do that i brought home from the office.
i have cookies to bake. and presents to wrap.
and more expectations from people.
but all i want to do is say i am really sorry but i can’t do that.
because i need these two weeks to do nothing.
absolutely nothing. to hibernate.
away from people and crowds and the virus and whatever else is out there.
yet that isn’t going to happen because of expectations.
so i wrestle with expectations and stress right now.
what are you dealing with right now?


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the journey of days

how many days to the end of life? your life? my life?
morbid? not really. as a former hospice nurse i have seen all types of death.
because as humans we will die a physical death.
at the holidays i observed some of the worst deaths. and some of the best.
i pray i die well. to be at peace with the Saviour of my soul.
to know i did my best on this planet that is not really my home.
that the regrets i have will be forgiven by those left behind.
and that whom ever knew me saw Jesus in me.
that i loved each person well despite what they believed about God or thought of me.
yesterday was Thanksgiving here in America.
but each day is thanksgiving. for so many things i cannot list them all. BUT….
today. i woke up. i have a spouse of 42 years that has loved me most well.
i have saving Grace and Mercy since i was 16. and despite my stupidity, God loves me more than i know.
i have food, a home, three children and a son-in-law that loves my eldest daughter.
my garden feeds my home and family and friends.
i am without nothing. nothing. i have Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom to go anywhere.
and so i am grateful and thankful each day.
there is soup simmering for church for tomorrow.
the music of Christmas that i love so well is playing.
i cry for the past that has come and gone – the memories that flood my heart bring the tears. such joy.
but today is present. and i hope you are well.
blessings on your day. and the holidays that might have joy or grief.
and no matter how many days any of us have left, we use them well.


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it has been a while.

oh May. you have not been kind.
too many close personal deaths.
then had snow and freezing weather.
now we are breaking records due to the heat.
and work? let’s not discuss work.
tried to take a few days off. that was useless.
got the garden in.
repotted some houseplants.
took some naps. baked the hubs a rhubarb pie.
and reading. Scripture. management books.
will sew over the weekend on the new machine.
what are you doing?
whom are you relying on?
what can you give up?
the lies of others? the culture of perfectionism?
the need to worry over everything?
discovered Dunkin donuts coconut drink in May. they should be outlawed.
hoping your weekend is a blessing to you.


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identity and purpose

who am I? really, who am I? on the inside? on the outside? do they match?
these thoughts lately have been ruminating in my head.
yesterday was National Unplug Day. I am considering a month again.
because i think i am too plugged. and not just to the devices. but to people as well.
i once went through therapy and learned of my need for people.
why are am i friends with some. what do they do for me that isn’t emotionally healthy?
how much of me is spent on them? in time and thought. like a device.
IF gathering started last night. how much of me is Scripture fed? how much?
not enough. absolutely not enough.
and i make excuses.
it is the same with food. and the stationary bike. and walking.
but my relationship with my Lord. He is my Air. my Food.
my reason for work life marriage family garden more or less living.
there is no life without Him.
and this is earth. i live on Earth. but my identity is a Daughter of God.
and He lives in the Heavenlies. so i will live there. only by His Grace His Mercy for me.
more later. the sun is shining. and i am drinking a Vanilla Coke which i have not had in forever.
oh earth.. you do have some wonderful things.


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purple. and life.

the county I work in is purple.
that means the highest worst level for COVID19.
but when i left work yesterday at 5pm cars were everywhere.
not staying home as the Governor asked.
not masking. not doing their best to not spread the disease.
but i will continue to do so.
because it is the right thing to do.
so working the next two weeks remotely.
and praying for work to be done. and catching up.
how are things in your life???