brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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hope. life. souls.

I have been in my new position for just a year now. I cannot begin to explain what I have seen in people. I never thought at all, Never, that people would behave this way. Deceitful. Dishonesty. Mean spirited. Two faced. words I use to describe the evil one – who comes to crush steal and destroy the spirit. but now I have witnessed it where I work. It isn’t on television. It isn’t in the news.  It is where I work every day. and so now I am diligent to pray harder, to pray longer, to pray more. for protection, for the people I work with. because Jesus is King. and the evil one is a big loser.
oh Jesus, come to us. because You are Hope and Life and the only thing for their Souls.

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2018

OH…it is here… 2018. In all of its fireworks eating too much drinking too much staying up too late too much…. the world celebrated despite the cold. and now, it is quiet and reflective in snow & ice & cold for much of us.
I did not stay up late, drink too much, eat too much or see any fireworks. My Samwise and I headed south… Atlanta. Drove the 9.5 hours… dined at Anticos for pizza then had gelato, then went to bed. Atlanta. Because then we got up, drove downtown and did the Passion2018 conference. Year number 4. to serve as Doorholders to 20,000 college students. to see Jesus in action, to watch the Holy Spirit moving, and to know that God, my Father, is chasing after them with wild passion.
I am still processing, thinking, feeling, wondering. If only I could describe the music reverberating the arena, the singing of praise to King Jesus, the hands and arms open in worship, the prayers uplifted to the Holy One. what a privilege, what a hushed honour, what a blessing to this old lady. and in the end we witness Hope, Faith, Justice, Mercy in Jesus.
there are other images as well from our journey. The little man sleeping on the sidewalk in the entrance to a bank, huddled in his coat, hat, gloves, blanket. The people walking in the brutal cold with their possessions in plastic bags. The hands and eyes of those looking back at me… I wonder why is that not me? how did this happen? what choices did they make to end here? what lies of the evil one did they believe that led them here? why can’t we do something about this?
and in the end on the last day in the last hour there was a young woman asking for prayer. and because there was only me I said yes and heard her heart cry out to God her Father for wisdom grace forgiveness clarity mercy …. for everything a Daughter of the Risen King living in the enemy’s land needs to survive the attack on her heart. her tears falling as her words poured out to Him. and i wondered Why… why Lord did You send her my way? I prayed and listened. and prayed more. I am trusting the Father that He will do what needs done in her life, and am praying for the blood of Jesus to cover her in protection and grace. as for all the students that were there… that they take what they heard to heart and lean on Jesus and the power of His resurrection… in whatever comes their way.


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last Friday of 2017 !

It really is the last Friday night of 2017… and today a 28 year old was buried due to opioid addiction. How does one celebrate the new year when their child has died? How do you get up in the morning? How do you eat without getting sick at the thought of never seeing your child again? in the depths of the swallowing consuming darkness God is there. His Son, the Babe just celebrated, took on this darkness and brought Light in to it. Jesus, Emmanuel ~ God with Us… is present in every nano second, every tear, every wound, every heart break. God’s heart was broken and He gave us Light and Life.  the scars of His beatings, His hanging on the Cross, the brutality we cannot imagine give God an understanding of our despair, our darkness, our life.
May these parents find strength and Light in the Holy One. to survive and tell the story of what He has done for them in their loss.


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do we really get it?

i have been a believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour for a very very long time. but it is finally sinking into my heart and soul that He, God, gave His Son up to the Earth to put on flesh (as my pastor husband says) to be born in humanity to die on a Cross and rise to eternal Life.  this has been in my brain, i have heard the words of the Word over and over and over… but this thought of Mary delivering the Son of God into Humanity. my heart was pierced over four decades ago to understand my need of a Saviour that i knelt in my kitchen with my spiritual mother and confessed my need.

but this season of Christmas…. this time, this moment….. i look at this Holy Baby differently. at what has been done for me. me. and you. YOU. have a look at this Babe who IS the Saviour. no matter what you have done in your life (trust me, i know).

He is Love. He is Grace. He is Mercy.

come see us at my church next Sunday night at 6pm. Celebrate His Birth. and find out what He came to do for you.


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the Glorious Season of Christ

it is here. the Birth of my Saviour. the Celebration of the Son of God. but not everyone celebrates. there is sadness, death, illness, starvation, suicide. Humanity. we are so poor in spirit without the Saviour. so broken in everything. I want to shout sometimes ~ can you not see what He can do for your heart? your soul? your life?  GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. let the One that comes this time of year as a babe in a trough… let His weakness give you strength, let His humanness give you Grace, let His pure Love save you from yourself.
i had a work retreat today. i prayed the entire way there… let me be Generous in kindness Lord. let me be humble in giving Lord. let me be like You, Lord. these are well-versed people in using others, in thinking only of themselves, in not trusting. Lord, let me be today what they need.
there is a Babe in a manger waiting for you. there is a Morning Star hoping to shine His Glory through you. don’t wait… go now, speak your pain to Him, cry your tears into His Hands, leave yourself at the manger and see how it became the Cross and the Empty Tomb. go now. it is never too late.


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mid-summer

it is mid-summer already. I look forward to Fall.
so far this summer has been about learning lessons about myself. I realize that is a daily thing, to learn about myself. but 60 is a big number. and now I am that age.
my first thought about this is, how did this happen? when did I become the Grown Up? what is being the Grown Up? life, big LIFE isn’t like television or books or the daily drama that 13 year olds thrive on. REAL LIFE is about sorrow & happiness & failure & success & giving & putting myself aside for others. REAL LIFE is figuring out the world doesn’t revolve around me – EVER. there is no cure for cancer. there is no cure for selfishness either. give me cancer, don’t give me selfishness.
oh this LIFE. on a small planet that spins around a really big super hot ball. it has my garden on it – with peppers, tomatoes, snow peas, lettuces, brussell sprouts, herbs, rhubarb, asparagus,  and alot of marigolds. I love marigolds. and lightening bugs.
60. my father didn’t make it to 60. he made it to 43. and I didn’t get to be an ADULT with him.  have you seen the commercial for a car that uses a Simon & Garfunkel song? and the grandma has the grandpa’s ashes and sees the country with her family because that is what he wanted. I love that commercial. it is hope lost, relationships, family, LIFE.
pretty sure I think too much. blessings!!!


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the death of death

that is what we heard in church today. Easter sabbath is about the death of death as Jesus is risen and alive. my life is not permanent on this Earth. i have said in the past and still hope that my job in heaven will be in the kitchen and in the garden. the smells, the colours, the sounds – i can hardly wait. earth is tiring.
so don’t wait on Jesus. He is waiting on you, searching for you, hoping you will say yes to Him.