brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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today is yesterday. & Jesus really is there.

obviously i did not get back on after the post on July 10th. so today is the post for the 11th. 🙂
i was supposed to be off last week. like vacation. but that didn’t happen.
and i kind of was off. no work phone, no one interrupting my office work time.
i did go to several important quarterly meetings. and answered emails.
email. the bane of my job. holy cow. why do people email you the dumbest stuff?
watched the Tour de France everyday and am dying at what is going on. OMG.
thursday was absolutely CRAZY. between the mountains and the chasing it was NUTS.
worked in the gardens and beds. weeded. picked beans and yellow small tomatoes.
waiting on yellow squash… rather impatiently.
did the jaysgarden thing in one of my flower beds. cleared some items, laid layers of cardboard.
laid a layer of my black gold compost. laid vermiculite and soil, then added flower seeds.
and the seeds have sprouted!!! I am so excited about this.
i will now always use her way of creating beds, filling beds and then planting or seeding the bed.
she is the bomb of a gardener and shares her tips and tricks.
you can follow her on IG as well. highly highly recommended.
other things.
cincinnati with Beth Moore. you don’t know her?
well, if you are looking for Biblically sound, Scripturally based studies of the Word of God – find her.
she is on IG and Twitter. she is NOT on facebook for very very good reasons. look it up.
love love love her teaching. love her ability to give it to me straight – like she is reading my soul.
and this weekend was no exception. my storehouse. from my heart.
the BIG question: what is in my storehouse? am i filling it from the Lord’s heart???
oh holy conviction. slain. totally. and the worship. THE WORSHIP OF JESUS.
add in craziness with a sister in Christ – fabulous food (pic is from @funnelcakeisland) , great shopping adventures, midnight trains.
the willingness to journey anywhere, to not be afraid to try the new things, go where ever with me & i with her.
and getting locked out of our Airbnb house. OMG… what a freaking night.
short story. got done with the conference on Friday at 930. our house was 4 minutes from the church.
i am getting my stuff out of the car, she heads to the porch to unlock the keypad.
i get to the door. she says I locked the door. i say i thought you put the code in?
she says No i locked the regular door handle WHICH WE DON’T HAVE A KEY FOR.
she panics. full blown OMG we can’t get in the house. and it is dark. and a strange place.
so… we both start on our phones. i message the host. (that is another story).
i call the help center for Airbnb. (their special services did not call me back until almost 24 hours later).
in the end i said, ok, let’s give it 20 more minutes, go sit in the car and wait. she agreed.
we get in the car. she is still going a little nuts. i said give me your hand.
and i prayed. OK God – you know what is going on. You know we need to get in the house.
so whatever lesson we need to learn -teach us NOW. help us to be calm, help us to depend only on YOU God. thank you for this weekend. thank you for taking care of us no matter what. in Jesus, amen.
and right then the host messaged me and we got the hidden door key and got in.
so… what lesson did we need to learn?
she said she learned she is NOT in charge of ANYTHING.
i learned again that God takes care of my EVERY NEED. no matter what no matter when.
Jesus is there ALL THE TIME, EVERY TIME.
YOU can depend on HIM.
and it was FABULOUS to learn the same lesson over again for us both.
blessings dear ones. be safe. stay well. Trust in God – you cannot go wrong with the Trinity.


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summer and such

even though the calendar does not say ‘summer’ yet, it feels much like it. over 80 degrees, dry weather, pollen flying.
and we barbecued last night. oh it tasted so good. grilled barbecued chicken and salads. yummmmm.
i had a super duper busy week last week and am totally tired. still. two 14 hour days at the end.
too much going on. not enough help so i get to do it all. and that is my job.
so this weekend has been filled with chores. the chores of life and the cusp of summer.
just turned the canner off for the second time. i did chicken bone broth.
the way prices are and hidden ingredients it is much better to make my own.
i need to do the inventory for the pantry. and then the freezer.
who knows what food costs will be this fall. or gasoline. or electricity. or anything.
so i will keep canning and preserving and not worry about it.
today in church online was about The Good Samaritan. again, i am given a new perspective.
that i am the one beaten and dying on the roadside. i am the one in need of mercy and kindness.
i am the one that is cared for by a stranger who does everything for me with no regard for how it will affect him.
i am the one in need of the One that doesn’t really have to do anything, but does every time.
oh dear. i am the one. the dirty one. the bleeding one. the beaten one.
and Christ, the One, takes me on.
the Shepherd searching for the one, me. that is my Saviour.
the Samaritan taking care of the stranger, me. that is my Saviour.
the Man dying on the Cross for humanity, me. that is my Saviour.
and then rising, beating Death and giving me life. that is my Saviour.


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what we don’t talk about

oh so many things. the list is long. very long.
the emotional turmoil of what we don’t talk about lives within us.
sometimes hidden deeply in our hearts and souls.
hiding. in an attempt to protect us.
but in the end it will find a path into our minds.
reminding us of the pain & anguish it created.
topics we don’t even discuss with those we live with.
the people we think we love.
so this Mother’s day weekend how willing are you to search your heart and mind?
to let His light shine on what is broken and in need of repair?
because no friend no spouse no sibling can do the work for you.
only the Creator, God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit.


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each day to come

April’s end is here. and it has been crazy in Ohio.
the rhubarb is up. new roots are planted. picking asparagus this past week.
tulips are ready to pop. might have killed one of my new plants due to the hard frost.
clematis are trimmed.
and just like that pruning and cleaning and cutting is done.
in the hopes of new growth and new flowers to smell or foods to eat.
much like me. the pruning and cutting continues in my heart and mind and soul.
may He never be done with me.
teaching me to rely only, solely on Him.
for life and breath and air and food of my soul.
this earth. the blue sky. the green grass. the deep dark soil. my earth.
my little plot this side of heaven.
let me steward it well. to feed us. to nurture us.
as the Word feeds me. reminds me who i am in Him.


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it is 3pm on Good Friday

and all of a sudden i cannot stop thinking about the Sacrifice of today.
if you don’t follow AmyOrr-Ewing, you should be. at least on IG.
because this week, every morning she posts a narrative about Holy Week and the day.
she is super duper intelligent, from Great Britain, and tells it like it is for us regular people.
so today. the day of Holy Week that death is defeated.
because of the One Sacrifice. because of my sins. me. because of me.
His Words from the Cross. how He died. what He knew.
and He knew exactly what He was doing.
all for Love. the Love of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
do you understand this? the Love of God so great, so magnificent He gave up His Son.
xoxoxoxxoxoxox.
blessings.


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i am His Beloved

and so are you. Henri Nowen wrote a book entitled Life of the Beloved. it is one of my annual books to read.
that is us. you and me. Followers of the Risen Christ.
we are the Beloved of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Nouwen says that our most primal identity as believers of Jesus is we are His Beloved and we must embrace it, choose it, ahead of our feelings and trust that our convictions to Christ will match those feelings.
there is that word again. TRUST.
trust that my life is not on this planet, but i must live here as an example of Christ.
to love. to be kind. to care for others. to expect nothing but allow the Trinity to fill me, mold me, and move me.
this is the lesson i struggle with now. right now. to expect nothing. because there are days i expect certain things.
human expectations.
and they don’t come. not the words. not the endearments. not the acts of random kindness.
it doesn’t happen. and then i let my mind go crazy. and spiral into the pit of foolishness and selfishness.
but i am the Beloved. He gave His Son for me. for me?
so i get back into the Scripture as my 2×4 plank to the back of my head. because i need smacked.
do you need smacked? just read Psalms. Proverbs.
stop thinking of yourselves and be generous. no matter what.
with your time. your talent. your treasure.
give to others as you would like to be given to. but do not expect that. because it won’t happen.
and in the end your eternal reward will be great. because Jesus says so.


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to just trust

much has changed since the last post.
but my world is nothing like the global disasters that are happening.
so even in my small tiny corner of this planet it is shattered and shaking.
in my heart, my mind, my faith.
to trust.
how does anyone trust the Lord God when all they have is blown to bits and their worldly possessions fit in to two bags and a backpack?
how does evil persist and seem to win in its efforts to control the planet?
where is Jesus when a man loses his wife and children to the bombs and guns going off around him?
and the lives of those left? the desperation, the anger, the frustration, the losses. how does anyone survive that?
i don’t know. you don’t know. none of us know.
but somehow we have to know that the Creator of this lost planet never ever leaves us. He loves us. He cares of us. He does not do anything to force man into a relationship with Him.
and so because there is a choice and because we live on Earth, evil can be chosen. evil can try to crush, steal, destroy the will of a Godly choice.
so pray. pray continuously. never stopping.
in the dark. in the noise. in the quiet. in the pit. in the destruction. in the death. in the questions.
pray. and know He is there. always always always.
blessings.


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what is He up to.

my Father. my King. my Jesus.
He keeps sending me women. to feed their minds, their hearts, their souls with Him.
i am up to five. i have my little trio from Emmaus.
and now i have my beautiful one from Chrysalis.
and this week. He reminded me of the one that thinks she knows it all, has it all.
three kids, husband, serious professional. but needs to remember her real true purpose in Him.
so make it is so Lord. the time needed. the words required. the strength to serve You in this role.
that You will provide the rest in Your Word. the revelation of what each one of them needs from You.
because Your Holiness is what we seek. You. and i want to do it all. for You.
what is He doing in your life?????


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the invisible war

war? yes, WAR.
despite the fact that it appears to be earthly, it really isn’t.
we have been warned, repeatedly.
yet we never learn.
this war started in the Garden with just two people.
one was a bully, one was bullied.
at least that is how i take it.
the war is not seen. but it is felt and heard.
in words and actions, in choices and decisions.
against each one of us that believes Jesus Christ is Lord.
our weapons? Ephesians 6 teaches us for our armor.
because we need the best armor out there to protect us.
we have Scripture, and prayer, and the Holy Spirit, and every weapon possible.
buck up. call on Christ. pray for strength & protection.
the evil one is more than happy that we don’t use our armor.
or pray for each other. or call on the Lord to take care of the war.
what war are you in right now?
remember you are not alone. Christ is with you. every step of the way.


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the holidays and reflections

it is 2022. half way through January. life moves on.
no matter what is happening or not happening.
life on earth. this life.
i spent a good deal of time on my own in my short time off.
i miss my three small children here. or my three teenaged children.
the holidays are not the same. and that is life.
i don’t mean to be depressing, or sad, but it is this life on earth that is not mine.
i cry for what has gone by and i did not appreciate it at the time.
i miss my grandmothers so very much. more than i knew. more than i thought possible.
i try to listen for what God is teaching me in this time. because we do not know the days we have.
so keep trying to be like Christ to a world that is hurting so very much it hurts others.
stay strong in your faith because we are never ever alone. ever.
right now in this moment of time i have too many people fighting for their physical life: cancer, cancer, cancer. oh how i hate cancer.
so keep at it dear ones. keep reading Scripture. keep looking out for what God is doing around you.
remember you are not alone.