brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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cooler Saturday

and canning has commenced!!!
omg. my tomatoes have gone crazy, despite the hot humid weather.
beans are canned. raspberries picked to turn into jam!!! ‘squeals commence’
and my daughter and her husband are here from paris.
last weekend was nuts with two open houses but so many people came to see them and hug them and visit with us. it was fab.
and they leave tomorrow. my heart is not prepared for this. but their home is in France.
so God, keep them safe. keep them healthy. keep them close to You.
and the new semester begins monday.
this summer at work did not slow down – ever. it seems to just get crazier and crazier.
so i pray for a calm mind and slow words. and to be like Jesus. to reflect Jesus.
so much to say and so little time. Lord, keep us close to You.
be my Shepherd. be my Healer. be my Keeper.
blessings to all!!!!


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#ifLead20200

i bought my ticket before i knew what was going to happen at work.
so yesterday when I was supposed to be off but I was working and didn’t get it all done i was wrestling as to whether i should go today or not.
did i multitask? you bet i did.
while I was taking notes and being convicted to my core
i canned another 14 jars of tomato paste and watered the side flower beds and cooked a 1/2 bushel of tomatoes and then canned 7 pints of pasta sauce. there are more tomatoes to cook and pasta sauce and pizza sauce to can.
but i didn’t get my work work done. and i might pay for that.
but tonight i am hot and tired and weary. and i have been fed in my spirit.
Can we persevere well?
that was the question to start the day. oh my.
and then the day kept going with worship and the Word and so many notes.
and there sat my work. and guess what.
i am okay with that.
because today i heard many things that my Saviour speaks of:
my trust needs to be in the Lord
my confidence is the Lord
my portion is secure in Christ
my lot is secure in Christ
humility is my superpower
this is a goodhard life
in Christ i can walk through the tension of affliction
keep face to face with Christ and wrestle through
the gift of joy we receive is to give it back to Him in praise and gratitude
my ultimate allegiance is to Christ alone
do not lead from wounding but lead from healing
abide in Christ and allow the Shepherd to hold me in His arms
submission is how i make God’s glory my priority
in Spirit and in Truth ask for insight into His Word

so thank you Jennie Allen, Dr. Anita Phillips, Katherine Wolfe, Shelly Giglio, Chrystal Evans Hurst, Beth Moore, Angie Smith, Eugene Cho, John Mark Comer, Ann Voskamp, Jada Edwards and Christine Caine.
thank you iFLead2020.


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not sure

what to write.
because what I want to say I can’t say.
and life isn’t anything of what it is supposed to be like.
but every day I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, and do it all over again.
every day. no matter what. no matter how I am treated.
i would have liked that the time spent at home in quarantine I could have done whatever I wanted.
but nope. that didn’t happen. i worked 7am to 530 pm every day on the computer and phone. 5 days a week.
55 hours a week. every week.
and people would look at me and say How is working from home?
and I cannot explain it. it is tiring. it is boring. it is constant work, no interruptions.
and it has continued into the summer.
and I don’t see it letting up.
so remain flexible. remain positive. remain honest.
no compromise.


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work life balance

is there such a thing? work life balance. the illusion of actually having balance.
the only way I see any hope for balance is to not work in a job that forces me to leave my home.
work life balance. buzz words. it doesn’t matter. the achievable is out of reach.
to balance Jesus is more attainable ~ to try to be Him in every circumstance should be my goal. and in attempting that, I will see the ‘balance’ of whatever life brings me on this earth.
the illusion… the deception….. the notion that there is balance on earth is not true. there is no balance without Christ. that is the goal.


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wondering.

about life. about summer. about weather. and the garden. and the crops.
how does a farmer do it? complete trust in what God provides.
we are 6 weeks behind here on crops. my garden looks good despite the cold temps we have had here.
and the rain continues. while other places are dry, we are soggy wet.

life moves on. in rhythmical 24 hours sun and moon seasons of life.
but to continue in grief. and pain. and sorrow.
to help a young woman in her last days. to bear pain and yet live each day, each hour. and to go home.

work. how does one talk about work? i need my job. i can’t do my job. pretty sure even if i lived at my office i wouldn’t be able to get the work done. and that bothers me. Servant Leadership. the theme keeps repeating in my reading, my conversations, my thoughts. why is it that those at the top do not get it? micromanaging doesn’t work. ever.

and children. oh the Lord does not tell you what it is about having children. you think they need you more when they are small and innocent and learning. not true. they need you more when they are 13 and 25 and 32 and on. and it breaks your heart still. because of Love.


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1st day of Spring

Tomorrow. First day of Spring. But here in north central Ohio there is snow in the forecast. Typical. So I will wait and hope and know that the warm days are coming. My garden will wait. The clematis will get trimmed. The elderberries will get planted. The asparagus will be back with the rhubarb.
in the mean time there is Easter. the day that Jesus is Risen!! and my sin that put Him on the cross is forgiven. I am struggling with work right now and with people. The evil one is traipsing through my building reeking havoc but I am praying fervently. My Jesus is in control.
and the church… what to do about the church? or the people in the church? that do not understand church is for all of us and if we don’t spread the Word ~ leaving the 99 behind and going after the 1 or the 100, there will be no church. It isn’t about money or stuff or the building it is about the saving grace of Jesus.
so, we pray and wait. not patiently, but we wait. at my job, at my church, at home.

go see this.. it’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.


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hope. life. souls.

I have been in my new position for just a year now. I cannot begin to explain what I have seen in people. I never thought at all, Never, that people would behave this way. Deceitful. Dishonesty. Mean spirited. Two faced. words I use to describe the evil one – who comes to crush steal and destroy the spirit. but now I have witnessed it where I work. It isn’t on television. It isn’t in the news.  It is where I work every day. and so now I am diligent to pray harder, to pray longer, to pray more. for protection, for the people I work with. because Jesus is King. and the evil one is a big loser.
oh Jesus, come to us. because You are Hope and Life and the only thing for their Souls.


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Heat wave again!!

Canned all day!  But when I went out to get tomatoes tonight I noticed our lilac tree has a large branch that appears completely dead from the drought.  Our smaller one is also drying up – leaves are curled, brown, and sad.  I fear for the farmers and store prices and food for everyone.
One week of school down and I may not survive this year.  What has happened to parents holding their children accountable for their actions?  Already I have several juniors making fun of another student in the lab.  I cannot believe they think they  have the right to treat others that way and want to go into  health care.
Grad school begins on Tuesday.  OMG, so many assignments, alot of reading, kind of scared.  so I am trying to stay up with everything else.
And there are other things… but some of it will stay in my heart.


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What is this???

~ the weather! how crazy is this????  it is so very warm and sunny and gorgeous!! will try to get the garden all put to rest.
~ the job.  can’t say enough…. i need out.  but there is a reason so I am thankful in the midst of trial and craziness.  I am blessed to be working so I cannot complain at all.
~ life….. there is so much to say, but not enough time.  I just pray I am doing what I am supposed to be doing for the Lord.