life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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words are not enough.

for the emotions and the thoughts and the wonderings in my brain.
and i cannot think about it too much. or i want to weep.
this life i live in this house. this country. this planet.
it doesn’t matter what i think. and i am okay with that.
it is Fall and Ohio has been showing off this season.
and i just want to stay home. to sew and bake and crochet and write.
and read. and study what i want to study. and just sit and be quiet.
but there are other plans in mind for each day.
so my issues are trust and faith.
can i give it all to Jesus? every minute of every day.
with all of it. the deep wounds.
the heart aches. the things in my brain.
to let it go. and just love.
no matter what. love.

there is bone broth in the instant pot. and the applesauce is canned.
and laundry is done. bills are paid. ironed.
the garden is cleaned out and mulched. garlic is popping up and needs more mulch.
life. day to day. chores. job. sacrifice.

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Greek Orthodox Easter

He is Risen!!
and He is caring for us in ways we never thought possible.
and I am sure there are many that wonder how?
how is this His care when we are at home, without work, no food. sick. potentially dying.
but He is.
because this fall i am sure i will be losing one-quarter to one half of my income and potentially my job. and my spouse is losing income and maybe his job. this fall it will be harder… not just right now, but in several months.
there is no guarantee in this life. none. and at my age and with my life i understand that this earth isn’t the end of my life.
i have a better home with Jesus in Heaven.
so. i trust Him each day. to wake me up. to get me going. to allow me to breathe in air and work and talk and live life in His purposes.
it isn’t about stuff…. life is about relationships on Earth and in Heaven.
people. family. friends. coworkers.
we may not be able to hug each other and we might have to stay 6 feet apart. but to see them in person and not on their computer… oh my.
so be safe. wear your mask. wash your hands.
and know that God is in the midst of all of this ~ teaching us to truly depend on Him and Him alone for everything.

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since January…

after posting the last post…. I ended up in the ER and had surgery. I missed a week of work and clinicals. What an experience!!  Outpatient surgery, drugs, GI system totally messed up, and I felt like poo.  BUT it was a good learning experience which I never want to go thru again!!!
In the life I live other days ~ there is so much on my mind that I want to write but don’t have time. All I can say is God is amazing and I truly need to TRUST Him for everything. the evil one desires to deceive, divide and destroy but Christ is greater in me and I belong to Him.

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it is life

life. how do we know what it will be like? how can we ever know the choices made will have such an impact on the tomorrows?  i struggle with this.  the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘ should i haves’.  somehow i need to stop feeling like a hamster on a wheel, but that is where it is right now – this life.  one day rolls into another with jobs and tasks and work and bills and expectations.  there are no others in this life but me.  it is each second ticking into the next one with financial pressures, job pressure.   life.
oh that i could see the eternal plan or how He sees me.  that i might know deep in my heart i have not been such a selfish foolish person.  to understand the Heavenly perspective would bring such soothing.  but i cannot and it is about trust.  this life is about trust.