life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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there are no words

so when there are no words there is silence.
of my heart. of my mind. of my soul.
i cling to His Word.
that i am not alone, that Christ is sitting with me.
there are no words.
for what my mind, in its deepest recesses knew was brought to light.
and i wept. for what was. for what could have been.
and i ask why? and i ask how?
and then. there is silence.
so that i may know God my Father, and King Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are standing here with me in my sorrow and my pain.
so much. that i will not carry this.
it belongs at the Cross of my salvation.
at the Resurrected feet of my King Jesus.
and i will wait.

there are no words.
only His.
Matthew 8:2,3 & 17:20 KJV
If I may but touch His garment, I shall be whole. Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. I will; be thou clean. Faith as a grain of mustard seed.

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it is Christmas

the holiday season is upon us. ChristMass. to celebrate the Child born to save the world from sin and death.
and in this season there is pain and grief and sorrow. loss.
so can we be like Mary, the mother of Jesus?
to celebrate His birth and rejoice in knowing what He will do for us?
despite the fear and pain and sorrow that is coming, we will choose JOY.
because we have the Gift. His Love. His Mercy. His Grace.
He loves me. No matter what. and I cannot repay that at all.

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Joy and Sorrow

this is going to be a happy and sad posting.
because that is what is in my heart and going on.
my eldest got married last Friday. oh what a whirlwind.
and in March I will put her on a plane and she will move to Paris, France permanently. and I will still find joy because it is her joy.
her husband is from France and to get married there is a nightmare.
so they got married here in the states.
and he loves her so very very much.
and his mum is adorable and loves her so very very much.
and I will let her go…. because that is what a parent does.
no matter what.

so at work this week i have had to deal with student issues that have broken my heart. to tears.
what does one say when there is a student in your office and her significant other has killed themselves? there are no words to console her. no words to ease her pain as she sits there with no emotion on her face. none.
and the next day is a student with such issues and dysfunction in her life she is barely hanging on by a thread. there is so much need in her life.

and i do what i can. and when they leave i cry because of what i see and hear.
and i pray to the Lord to help me know what to do.

i went to the funeral home tonight.
there was no body.
a mob of people there. but the sadness in the air. and the student being consoled by her friends.
how does one recover from a suicide? how?