life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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mindless Friday

just another rainy day in Ohio. i think my yard is going to float away.
very hopeful tomorrow will be sunny. like real sunshine!!!
life happens even in a pandemic.
good and bad. happy and sad.
cancer. the Big C. Chemo. death. in two weeks a life has been radically turned around. and we watch and wait. do research. ask WHY?
children making bad choices – like so bad it affects their ability to live.
and in that choice their parents and sibling watch and try.
but in trying there is the trap of enabling a behaviour that is destructive.
so how does one choose to help?
boundaries. and tough love. and saying NO.
and ask WHY???
much like our global pandemic.
people are saying No to a mask or social distancing.
but at what cost? do they understand how their choice affects others?
that when they touch someone or something they can make another person so ill they might die.
i ask WHY???
but yet God. God the Almighty. God the All knowing. God the All Loving.
God knows everything. and He never leaves us. and He wants the best for us.
so we pray and pray and pray. for a pandemic… for children and choices…. for a world in need of the Saviour, Jesus Christ.
our hearts are heavy. our minds are tired.
and there is no answer to the WHY?
only God. only Jesus. only the Holy Spirit.
only faith in the One that saved me.


different kind of summer.

Summer has begun. Officially.
only there is stuff. there is always stuff. i hate stuff.
the weather here has not been cooperative for our farmers. I live in a farming community – and let me tell you it is a rough summer. Wet. Wet. More WET.
the corn and soy crops were at least 6 weeks behind in getting planted.
then they got planted and were up maybe 3 to 4 inches. and then….
more rain. and more rain. and more rain.
the fields were under water.
so, there are farmers that didn’t plant anything taking the insurance money.
and there are farmers that planted and now are at a huge loss.
we already will have no Ohio peaches because of the winter/spring weather.
now there will be no corn for animals for next winter and no corn for people in the fall.
what does a farmer do when this happens? how do they survive? what do they do to pay their bills? what happens to fields laying fallow for a whole year?

and next up is church. my Samwise is a pastor of a small church.
what the heck is wrong with people? like they want to go back to worship the way it was in 1957!!
i mean really – lets just kill the church now.
because it is all about them. forget the neighborhood – the people raising their grandchildren that could use help.
or the people addicted to drugs and alcohol that come for AA and NA that can use our help.
or the children that need to hear about the love of Jesus.
oh noooo… they aren’t the ‘right’ people. they don’t dress like us. they don’t vote like us…
oh Lord… help me keep my mouth shut and pray for what they don’t ‘see’. for our hearts. for our church to be like Jesus no matter what.

then next would be my job. i have a job. it actually entails 2.5 jobs.
i am grateful for employment. it pays the bills. my student loans. my house payment. food. medical bills. you get the jest.
BUT what are you trying to teach me Lord in this job? it is wearing me out. it is draining. and depressing. when those around me work to cheat the system they are in. when they defend people that lie. when they don’t say anything when people actually steal in ways that aren’t easily proved.
how do i respond to this? how do i love in this?
how the heck can i be like Jesus to these people?

and don’t get me started on students.
what the heck is wrong with them?
they complain. and whine. and are extremely negative.
taking no responsibility for their learning. their education.
expecting it to be handed over to them.
don’t get me started. it isn’t pretty.

stuff. family. marriage. children. taxes. life.
but in it all is the realization that the Lord is in control. He is there in every moment.
i breathe because He says BREATHE.
i exist because His Holy Spirit fills me.
i know of Him because of His Son’s death for my life.
so i wait. and watch. and be silent. brain be still and watch for Him.

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mid July

looked at the calendar this morning…. there is 4 weeks to the start of school full time. I have too much to do and not enough time, always that way. Tons of rain here, but no flooding yet, more is coming this week. I have the tomatoes tied up, the food sprinkled in the soil and foliage sprayed with leaf food. The geraniums have been trimmed of yellow leaves, musty flower heads and dead stems. I have most of the peaches canned into jam, but will be canning the rest today in light syrup.  And my beans are looking amazing, so I will be canning beans like crazy in a few weeks, probably just in time for hotter weather!!!  Lettuces look good even though they got in late.
and life. Life in Jesus. life as a Christian.  one day at a time, seeing what others say and do. Love. how does one love NO MATTER WHAT? Love, the command that Christ gave to each of us. Love.

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slow and steady

It is raining here…. we haven’t had rain in probably 4 weeks at least. my garden is drying up because of the lack of rain, the grasses are fading, and now today there is a slow steady rain. Our temperatures have dropped 20degrees as well compared to yesterday. This made for excellent temps in my kitchen this morning as I canned green beans. I went out early and picked tomatoes as well. Just canned pasta sauce last night. I need to get the potatoes dug up as well yet. Then the cleaning up and winterizing begins.
What are you up to today? I will be doing laundry, cleaning house, prepping for the weeks to come at work, reading, crocheting. I am waiting on new crochet  hooks to arrive!!  They are coloured and padded!!
The Lord is caring for us so well, but why would I expect anything different from the Creator of my soul? We are not sure what is going to happen next, but I am good with that. Waiting… gives me perspective, pushes me into His arms, forces me to depend on the grace and mercy of the King. Why could I not learn these things when I was younger? why? No answer but that THIS is the time for this lesson.
Praying for so many ~ please lift up Ruth, Andrea, Marla, Gina, Teresa, Kelly, Angie, Alex, Chase, Daniel, Ben, Rosalinda, Jed, and so many others. Life this side of Heaven is difficult.