brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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there are days….

I want to crawl into bed and never get out.
Eat everything in sight.
Sew and crochet all day.
Read books and drink tea until my eyes hurt.
Hold a baby.
Tell people exactly what I think.
Run away from humanity.
but in the end the Lord of the Universe, the Son Jesus reminds me of my purpose and the Holy Spirit breathes a life of calm and grace into my weary soul. and i know. i just know. that He is here, leading guiding building loving caring weeping watching over me. Because I am His and He is mine. no matter what. no matter the dirt of my spirit, the soiled heart, the filthy rags i hide in… He has made me His.

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unsure what to call it.

title, why does there have to be a title? and yet, it could be called numerous things.. but my first thought is Mistakes I have made.
Unfortunately there are too many to count. and the big one is to help my children understand that their personal happiness and wealth does not come from this earth. They flounder and I pray. and pray. and pray. I will keep praying and hope their eyes and hearts are opened to what REAL LIFE is about. That LOVE is about the blood of Christ. all three of them.
I realize I cannot live their life, that they are responsible adults, capable of making decisions for themselves. but this is hard, much harder than I ever ever thought.
Hoping that Spring comes and that summer isn’t too wet or too dry ~ but I am asking for a miracle. Blessings!


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to be satisfied

oh this life.  it drags, it whines.
i cannot control anything in it and i am angry. and sad. and tired.
i want to run away.  i want a divorce.  i want to be alone. i want to be selfish.
i want to crawl under the sheets and never come out. screw the toilet. screw food.
i read other blogs and the women are perfect – they do it all, don’t complain, don’t screw up.
i spent a whole day this week saying in my mind ‘Thank you Lord’, no matter what happened.
it didn’t work.  i know… i know in my heart and in my mind.  BUT the pressure is incredible.
the bills, the grad school papers, the hours at work, the laundry, the bills, the lack of time to read Scripture, the hours and hours and hours of  doing.
i want to be out of here.  off the planet. and no more stress.  no more pressure. no more of people. people are the most frustrating of all.
and i am the worst of them.