brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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it is 3pm on Good Friday

and all of a sudden i cannot stop thinking about the Sacrifice of today.
if you don’t follow AmyOrr-Ewing, you should be. at least on IG.
because this week, every morning she posts a narrative about Holy Week and the day.
she is super duper intelligent, from Great Britain, and tells it like it is for us regular people.
so today. the day of Holy Week that death is defeated.
because of the One Sacrifice. because of my sins. me. because of me.
His Words from the Cross. how He died. what He knew.
and He knew exactly what He was doing.
all for Love. the Love of God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
do you understand this? the Love of God so great, so magnificent He gave up His Son.
xoxoxoxxoxoxox.
blessings.


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Resurrection

what is your story of Resurrection?
of when you heard the Holy Spirit in your heart and knew that Jesus was your Saviour?
because today is the day we celebrate the death of death in the death of Christ.
He rose from the earthly physical grave and defeated death.
His death was for me. (and you).
because of my sin, He died. He was perfect. Perfect.
He loved everyone no matter how they treated Him.
He commanded us to love. Love.
Love with no expectation. and i fail miserably at it.
i was 16 and had one of my Young Life leaders for lunch.
my family was moving. and she talked to me about Jesus.
and i got on my knees and said Yes to Christ.
which was a good thing because my life drastically changed.
my family imploded.
but God my Father was with me. i can see it like it was yesterday.
only that was 48 years ago.
little did i know the journey He would put me on.
the ups. the downs. the choices that would be before me.
i am so grateful for His mercy and love of me.
Christ is Risen!!! He is Risen Indeed!!!!


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the quandry of Love

of the human need of it.
acceptance of personhood no matter what.
but we live on this side of the Heaven so my brain gets in the way.
to understand my need of love. community.
the sense that i will not be left behind or forgotten or insulted by those i trust.
and in that i am still only thinking of myself. and not my Saviour.
who Loved in a way that no matter what was done to Him, He loved back.
He loved back.
those that spit on Him, that speared Him, that whipped Him. that betrayed Him.
this is the week that we remember.
Christ went from be Hailed as King to being called a Traitor and then crucified.
and He hung on a cross.
so my need of not being forgotten is petty. and small. compared to the King of Heaven.
His Love. unfailing. forgiving. merciful. never ending.
help me to be like that. no matter what someone might do or say or forget or how i am treated.
that i will love or try to love as Christ does.
do you need an online church to help with this? try HERE.
need a therapist or life coach? try HERE.


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the dark and the Light

reading some John and 1st John.
the dark and the Light.
the lies and the Truth.
walking the gardens. the bulbs are popping through the garden.
but this is North Central Ohio. we are not done with the cold yet.
so my garlic stays covered.
but the hellebores are open. and the tiny crocus’ are up in the yard.
no rhubarb spikes yet. my fear last year was it was getting too old to come back.
the asparagus needs cleaned as do the grasses.
and in it all is Light. John reminds me of the hidden places in my heart that are dark.
really? i ask my self how do i think i can hide anything from Him?
He sees into my heart, my soul, the intricacies of my neurons.
so i confess. the darkness and ask for Light.
where in Ohio even in the cold dark seasons we have Light.
eternal Light. it warms my inner being no matter how cold the sun is.
so no matter what you face today. no matter how dark the dark.
you are not alone. the voices in your head lie to you.
listen to the one True Voice that wants you to live in grace and mercy and peace.
let Him shine His Light of love into you. everywhere. piercing your darkness.
and become His Daughter, graced in His Love.
blessings dear sisters in Christ!


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Russ & Bert

i get my haircut once a month. otherwise i look like a frumpy dog.
my hair person is following all of the COVID19 protocols.
one person at a time, mask on. spray between people. gloves.
and either before or after my appointment Bert has her appointment.
a bazillion years ago when I worked at the hospital she was in charge of the business office.
Russ was the Lab Director. they had one daughter. we went to the same church.
he is tall and thin with now grey white hair. she is short and a little stocky.
he is quiet. she is outgoing.
and now she has the start of Alzheimers.
Russ recognized me the first time he saw me. Bert did not.
he walks her in to her hair appointment.
he waits patiently in the chair next to her while she gets a cut and then a blow dry.
he pays. then he helps her with her coat and gloves. and out they go.
and the picture of love is the two of them walking hand in hand out the salon door to the car.
she still has a great smile and he still speaks quietly to her.
God Bless them. God protect them. God revealed in them.
i wonder how many Valentine Days they have had together and how many more are left.


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humans connecting

the holidays. Christmas. New Year’s.
Thanksgiving has passed.
and what do we do?
we get together with people we aren’t particularly fond of.
just because it is the holidays.
but in the end. this year. 2020.
the year of COVID19. the year of political upheaval.
the year of cultural unrest.
the year we want to be with people we don’t really care for called ‘family’ just to be with other humans.
and i have been wrestling with this.
truthfully i want to be with my people. not necessarily biologically related people.
spiritually related people. people that care for me, for my children, my husband.
not the people that just because of their blood are related.
let me be with those that pray for me, accept me for who I am in all my flaws.
not with those that have judged me for years and years.
not with those that hold my mistakes up to my face.
because this year. this holiday. this Holy Day.
i want to be with people that reflect Jesus to me.
who will you be with???


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do not despair

… for the Lord is with you.
i cling to this. every day.
so that my brain doesn’t wander into darkness.
for He is God and I am not.
i pound this into my heart. He is God.
His soul purpose is Love. for me. for you. for all of Creation.
this world. this planet. these animals. they will perish.
but Jesus bought me with the price of His blood.
He will return to this horribly sad planet.
to take us Home. His home. THE home.
but for now.
no matter the politics.
no matter the masks.
no matter what you think.
we are here together under His stars.
so think of others. put others first.
and do not despair.
because the Lord of the Heavens is with you.
no matter how dark it seems. you are Loved by the Creator of Love.


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words are not enough.

for the emotions and the thoughts and the wonderings in my brain.
and i cannot think about it too much. or i want to weep.
this life i live in this house. this country. this planet.
it doesn’t matter what i think. and i am okay with that.
it is Fall and Ohio has been showing off this season.
and i just want to stay home. to sew and bake and crochet and write.
and read. and study what i want to study. and just sit and be quiet.
but there are other plans in mind for each day.
so my issues are trust and faith.
can i give it all to Jesus? every minute of every day.
with all of it. the deep wounds.
the heart aches. the things in my brain.
to let it go. and just love.
no matter what. love.

there is bone broth in the instant pot. and the applesauce is canned.
and laundry is done. bills are paid. ironed.
the garden is cleaned out and mulched. garlic is popping up and needs more mulch.
life. day to day. chores. job. sacrifice.


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Fallish

it is a perfect weekend. warm. the colours are turning on the trees.
the moon is amazing every night shining through my skylight
and God is on the Throne of Heaven.
every day He watches and waits on me. to come to Him.
to call to HIm. to lean on only HIm.
and i fail every day. OMG… if you knew what was in my head.
which means my heart needs some serious work.
and today i was reminded by my wise sister that even in old age He cares so much for us that no matter what we thought our life would be like He loves us so much that He will change us in our circumstances to be more like Him.
and so my ‘what I thought would be may not be’ and He already knew that.
and in that He will wait on me to listen to Him alone.
in her tears she admitted to what she thought this stage of her life would be like but it isn’t. and like Much Afraid, she is learning about His love for her over and over again. so i too, must learn at this stage of my life.
and wait. and listen. and lean on Christ.
what are you waiting on? what are you trying to control?
what will you have to give up to journey with the King of Heaven?


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August 1st.

and life here is still complicated
COVID19.
Racial Unrest
Political ideals in an uproar.
America is broken
with that is the turmoil of relationships
people that give in to the whim of others
people with no consideration for others
people that have forgotten their purpose
what has happened to the soul of humanity
to the work that Jesus began
that we love others and care for others no matter what
that in the end did I love?
did I look at you like I was looking at Jesus?
in the end it doesn’t matter, does it?
it doesn’t matter
this earth has a short life and God will what to know ~
did you love others?