brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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unsure what to call it.

title, why does there have to be a title? and yet, it could be called numerous things.. but my first thought is Mistakes I have made.
Unfortunately there are too many to count. and the big one is to help my children understand that their personal happiness and wealth does not come from this earth. They flounder and I pray. and pray. and pray. I will keep praying and hope their eyes and hearts are opened to what REAL LIFE is about. That LOVE is about the blood of Christ. all three of them.
I realize I cannot live their life, that they are responsible adults, capable of making decisions for themselves. but this is hard, much harder than I ever ever thought.
Hoping that Spring comes and that summer isn’t too wet or too dry ~ but I am asking for a miracle. Blessings!

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January 1, 2012

Star Wars is on ~ great way to begin the New Year.   “I got a bad feeling about this” “Will someone get this walking carpet out of my way.”
and this year brings 366 days to wonder about, to be thankful for, to consider each day the goodness of Jesus, to know I am His Beloved.
the world is changing and we believers in Christ must be faithful. it is not about being clever, or popular, or the best dressed but about knowing Christ is with us.
I went to the Abbey of the Genesee last week.  Three days with the monks and smelling divine bread being baked. Quiet. no phone, no television, no radio, no expectations.  And in Bethany house and the Abbey chapel the Holy Spirit revealed what I need to work on in me through Him.  Watching the monks, listening to the cadence of the Psalms being sung, hearing the homilies with Mass.
I reconsidered friendship in  2011, basically knowing I would lose friends or the friendship would change.  I did not meet fit their box and so they let go.  At first I wanted to ask if they could see what they were doing…. but I did not in the end.  It would be futile and they would still think me wrong or selfish or whatever.
I attempted to speak to my mother in 2011.  She has not spoken to me in 4 years.  I set up a meeting with her at her church with her minister as the 3rd party.  It ended as I expected and my mother still acts like a 16 year old married to an alcoholic.  It is strange that she should choose to live her life this way, but as in all codependent relationships she does not see it and I can do nothing about it.  The rift she believes that happened will always be my fault and I am strong enough to know it is not my responsibility, but her life choice that has done this.
In 2011 I accepted that life lessons are to teach me dependence on God my Father.  The most difficult one being bankruptcy.  I feel like a total failure sometimes but must keep in mind that this was for a purpose, not just for Sam but for me too.  It should have been done 25 years ago, but because of pride was done last year.
In 2011 I began graduate school for a Master’s in Nursing.  I still am not sure if that was the best decision.  It is the most difficult thing I have done other than therapy for PTSD and depression.  The workload is time consuming and life sucking…. and I love the learning.  I am hopeful the Lord will bless my effort in it and take me where I can serve the Kingdom best.
I do not make resolutions at the New Year.  I am hoping this year will be better because of what I know to be true ~ a life in Christ.