life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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what happened to kindness?

to stop and wait before reacting?
because when i listen it seems to make the other person angrier.
more hateful. less to listen. provokes scorn.
so i wait more. non defensive.
attempting to show empathy and kindness to the human across from me.

and inside i am writhing in pain.
as the arrows are flung deep into my heart.
but the Lord is full of mercy and compassion.
He is my Guardian. my Protector.
these lies will not pierce through what He has provided in armor.

a pandemic.
job changes.
family issues.
we have all seen it/felt it/ watched it.

please. be kind to the person across from you.

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what is your story of Resurrection?
of when you heard the Holy Spirit in your heart and knew that Jesus was your Saviour?
because today is the day we celebrate the death of death in the death of Christ.
He rose from the earthly physical grave and defeated death.
His death was for me. (and you).
because of my sin, He died. He was perfect. Perfect.
He loved everyone no matter how they treated Him.
He commanded us to love. Love.
Love with no expectation. and i fail miserably at it.
i was 16 and had one of my Young Life leaders for lunch.
my family was moving. and she talked to me about Jesus.
and i got on my knees and said Yes to Christ.
which was a good thing because my life drastically changed.
my family imploded.
but God my Father was with me. i can see it like it was yesterday.
only that was 48 years ago.
little did i know the journey He would put me on.
the ups. the downs. the choices that would be before me.
i am so grateful for His mercy and love of me.
Christ is Risen!!! He is Risen Indeed!!!!

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the quandry of Love

of the human need of it.
acceptance of personhood no matter what.
but we live on this side of the Heaven so my brain gets in the way.
to understand my need of love. community.
the sense that i will not be left behind or forgotten or insulted by those i trust.
and in that i am still only thinking of myself. and not my Saviour.
who Loved in a way that no matter what was done to Him, He loved back.
He loved back.
those that spit on Him, that speared Him, that whipped Him. that betrayed Him.
this is the week that we remember.
Christ went from be Hailed as King to being called a Traitor and then crucified.
and He hung on a cross.
so my need of not being forgotten is petty. and small. compared to the King of Heaven.
His Love. unfailing. forgiving. merciful. never ending.
help me to be like that. no matter what someone might do or say or forget or how i am treated.
that i will love or try to love as Christ does.
do you need an online church to help with this? try HERE.
need a therapist or life coach? try HERE.

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the dark and the Light

reading some John and 1st John.
the dark and the Light.
the lies and the Truth.
walking the gardens. the bulbs are popping through the garden.
but this is North Central Ohio. we are not done with the cold yet.
so my garlic stays covered.
but the hellebores are open. and the tiny crocus’ are up in the yard.
no rhubarb spikes yet. my fear last year was it was getting too old to come back.
the asparagus needs cleaned as do the grasses.
and in it all is Light. John reminds me of the hidden places in my heart that are dark.
really? i ask my self how do i think i can hide anything from Him?
He sees into my heart, my soul, the intricacies of my neurons.
so i confess. the darkness and ask for Light.
where in Ohio even in the cold dark seasons we have Light.
eternal Light. it warms my inner being no matter how cold the sun is.
so no matter what you face today. no matter how dark the dark.
you are not alone. the voices in your head lie to you.
listen to the one True Voice that wants you to live in grace and mercy and peace.
let Him shine His Light of love into you. everywhere. piercing your darkness.
and become His Daughter, graced in His Love.
blessings dear sisters in Christ!

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hope and despair

if you haven’t read this yet, you should.
Lord of the Rings
it is about the 20th anniversary of the Peter Jackson movies.
i am sitting here drinking my citrus-lavender tea. it is cold here in Ohio.
and i re-read my last post.
what kind of faith do i have? oh my.
this life is not about despair, but about hope.
and the allegories that i read when i was younger.
Aslan, Gandalf the White, the Chief Shepherd for Much Afraid.
their job is HOPE in a time of Despair.
to us little minions and gnomes and sheep and hobbits.
their job is LIGHT in a time of Darkness.
and in the last week we might think the end, the BIG END, is truly near.
so be ready… every day.
and we need to be more like Jesus.
i keep saying this. over and over and over.
be kind. be gentle. be loving. be faithful. be generous.
oh wait. there is a pandemic. and the culture is crashing. and my America is falling apart.
yes. yes it is. and yes there is. and I am sure in 2021 there is going to be much more to despair over.
but we won’t. because this, this earth. this planet.
this terra is NOT my permanent home as a believer in Jesus.
i am a citizen of Heaven in an earthly body stuck in gravity.
i do love my garden. and my kitchen.
but wait… in Heaven i want to garden and bake for the King Himself.
and the colours. in Lewis’s book about Heaven and getting there, he says the colours are like nothing we have seen.
so while i am waiting for my real home, His home, i will try my hardest and bestest to remember HOPE. LIGHT. MERCY. GRACE.
what will you do????

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oh life. it is lovely. it is despairing. it is joy. it is so much there are no words at times.
the overwhelmingness of life. i wish it would slow down.
but then, i wish it would speed up to get to heaven, my real true home.
life with Jesus. i cannot imagine life without Jesus.
i have seen life without the Saviour. it is not nice. it doesn’t end well.
it is hard, sad, difficult. i have watched people die without the Saviour.
so life with Jesus. it is also hard, sad, and difficult but only in the sense that it is life on earth and this is not my permanent home.
so while I am here waiting on the Kingdom i will choose to serve in joy and kindness. i can only do it with Jesus.
i will love to the Nth degree and not worry about what i get in return.
because there is Jesus.
i will guard my heart and my mind.
Psalm 62:1-2 Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him.
Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
this hangs in my office that my sister made for me. it is my reminder… He is life. He is salvation. He is rest. i need to remember that i will NOT be shaken because of Him.
Jesus. Life. One in the same.

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the Death of death.

this is the weekend. the one that everyone writes/blogs/sings/talks about. this is the one. it is about the One. Jesus. His death is the Death of death. because of His resurrection ~ to rise from Death and Live. the Death of death. we are not wormfood. we are not coming back as an animal. we are not void and shapeless in the air. to live eternally look at the One, the Christ, Jesus. take Him at His word – the Living Breathing Eternal Word. know that you cannot do anything for His Love and Grace and Mercy. just admit to your need of Him.

i am just in from the garden thinking on life and the weekend and what others i know are dealing with. Death. they are dealing with someone they love is dying. BUT GOD. because of a deep deep faith in the One that will be Resurrected my friend will live again with Christ. but my sister in Christ will lose her partner, her beloved, her soul mate her lover, the one that completes her. She knows the end is near. she watches and waits and prays. this Resurrection weekend is deafening in her heart and soul for her beloved on earth. and i pray. for them both. for God to move in the purpose of this brother’s dying. for Christ to be revealed as he dies as loudly as Jesus was in his life.

my garden. such a picture of life. remove the invasive grass. pull the weeds. mulch the beds. plant the seeds. smell the green.
as my spirit needs gardened. i am a poor gardener of my soul. but i am forgiven and grateful.

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OH…it is here… 2018. In all of its fireworks eating too much drinking too much staying up too late too much…. the world celebrated despite the cold. and now, it is quiet and reflective in snow & ice & cold for much of us.
I did not stay up late, drink too much, eat too much or see any fireworks. My Samwise and I headed south… Atlanta. Drove the 9.5 hours… dined at Anticos for pizza then had gelato, then went to bed. Atlanta. Because then we got up, drove downtown and did the Passion2018 conference. Year number 4. to serve as Doorholders to 20,000 college students. to see Jesus in action, to watch the Holy Spirit moving, and to know that God, my Father, is chasing after them with wild passion.
I am still processing, thinking, feeling, wondering. If only I could describe the music reverberating the arena, the singing of praise to King Jesus, the hands and arms open in worship, the prayers uplifted to the Holy One. what a privilege, what a hushed honour, what a blessing to this old lady. and in the end we witness Hope, Faith, Justice, Mercy in Jesus.
there are other images as well from our journey. The little man sleeping on the sidewalk in the entrance to a bank, huddled in his coat, hat, gloves, blanket. The people walking in the brutal cold with their possessions in plastic bags. The hands and eyes of those looking back at me… I wonder why is that not me? how did this happen? what choices did they make to end here? what lies of the evil one did they believe that led them here? why can’t we do something about this?
and in the end on the last day in the last hour there was a young woman asking for prayer. and because there was only me I said yes and heard her heart cry out to God her Father for wisdom grace forgiveness clarity mercy …. for everything a Daughter of the Risen King living in the enemy’s land needs to survive the attack on her heart. her tears falling as her words poured out to Him. and i wondered Why… why Lord did You send her my way? I prayed and listened. and prayed more. I am trusting the Father that He will do what needs done in her life, and am praying for the blood of Jesus to cover her in protection and grace. as for all the students that were there… that they take what they heard to heart and lean on Jesus and the power of His resurrection… in whatever comes their way.