life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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last Friday of 2017 !

It really is the last Friday night of 2017… and today a 28 year old was buried due to opioid addiction. How does one celebrate the new year when their child has died? How do you get up in the morning? How do you eat without getting sick at the thought of never seeing your child again? in the depths of the swallowing consuming darkness God is there. His Son, the Babe just celebrated, took on this darkness and brought Light in to it. Jesus, Emmanuel ~ God with Us… is present in every nano second, every tear, every wound, every heart break. God’s heart was broken and He gave us Light and Life.  the scars of His beatings, His hanging on the Cross, the brutality we cannot imagine give God an understanding of our despair, our darkness, our life.
May these parents find strength and Light in the Holy One. to survive and tell the story of what He has done for them in their loss.


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unsure what to call it.

title, why does there have to be a title? and yet, it could be called numerous things.. but my first thought is Mistakes I have made.
Unfortunately there are too many to count. and the big one is to help my children understand that their personal happiness and wealth does not come from this earth. They flounder and I pray. and pray. and pray. I will keep praying and hope their eyes and hearts are opened to what REAL LIFE is about. That LOVE is about the blood of Christ. all three of them.
I realize I cannot live their life, that they are responsible adults, capable of making decisions for themselves. but this is hard, much harder than I ever ever thought.
Hoping that Spring comes and that summer isn’t too wet or too dry ~ but I am asking for a miracle. Blessings!

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the day after Christmass

oh the day after.  when I think about all the things I didn’t do or get done.  or the words I should have said that I didn’t.  this year was simple and good.  the 11pm service provided the calm of the cold night.  when I wonder what will the next year bring that I don’t want to think about or deal with.
the sun is shining defying the cold air.  the food over the last two days has been very good, but it is the family… the laughs, the hugs, the smiles, the big people that used to be little feet running around in footie pajamas that I would rather have here.  it isn’t the gifts, but the One Gift and what that means for all of us.  I keep praying they all come to understand that is the One Gift they need more than anything

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11 days.

to the birth of the Saviour!!  and to family being home.  I do not care about presents but having the children home and around the table, the promise of the future laughing and talking and planning and being with each other.  the Lord blessing me with their laughter, the sleeping faces, knowing we are family no matter what.  I miss those little faces and fingers and toes and cheeks and snotty noses ~ how time flies.
my days are a little less stressed right now….. but I am looking into the LAST SEMESTER OF GRAD SCHOOL.  it will not be easy, clinical hours with 3 classes and papers galore.  and by God’s grace I can do this.  who would have guessed?  not me, never me.  thankfully God knows all and i am hopeful to obey.
may you be safe today if it is snowing like it is outside my windows.  be warm, know you are Loved with eternal Love that never dies.