brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


Leave a comment

dare we discuss it?

what we really think or feel or are experiencing in life or what is happening to people around us?
culture. politics. jobs. families. viruses. murder. stress on top of stress. ethnicity. gender.
and we are tired.
all of us.
i am.
exhausted. totally fried.
every day dealing with people and pressures and expectations and personal attacks.
stressed beyond stressed.
and there seems to be no end to this. none.
i am rereading A Wrinkle in Time. love this book.
about good versus evil. light versus darkness. having the sense to stop and listen and wait.
what ever is going on it is about our reaction to it all.
i have to kick myself when i get in to the ‘OMG what are they doing to me?!” mode.
because each human being is made in God’s image ~ that image of the Holy Trinity.
and each of us is dealing with so very much.
so step back. stop. and breathe.
and remind yourself that as a believer in Jesus Christ we have His power and His Spirit to fill us, enfold us, protect us.

but just so you know ~ every once in a while i do scream into my pillow or sit on the toilet and have a good cry.


Leave a comment

the dark and the Light

reading some John and 1st John.
the dark and the Light.
the lies and the Truth.
walking the gardens. the bulbs are popping through the garden.
but this is North Central Ohio. we are not done with the cold yet.
so my garlic stays covered.
but the hellebores are open. and the tiny crocus’ are up in the yard.
no rhubarb spikes yet. my fear last year was it was getting too old to come back.
the asparagus needs cleaned as do the grasses.
and in it all is Light. John reminds me of the hidden places in my heart that are dark.
really? i ask my self how do i think i can hide anything from Him?
He sees into my heart, my soul, the intricacies of my neurons.
so i confess. the darkness and ask for Light.
where in Ohio even in the cold dark seasons we have Light.
eternal Light. it warms my inner being no matter how cold the sun is.
so no matter what you face today. no matter how dark the dark.
you are not alone. the voices in your head lie to you.
listen to the one True Voice that wants you to live in grace and mercy and peace.
let Him shine His Light of love into you. everywhere. piercing your darkness.
and become His Daughter, graced in His Love.
blessings dear sisters in Christ!


Leave a comment

current struggles

this is not your 2021 post. i don’t do those.
this is the current What i am dealing with in my mind post.
it will be raw. it will be real. and it is me.
this life. on Planet Earth.
the struggle of living between the already and the not yet.
to know that my heart belongs to my Saviour but my mind fights this allegiance.
reaching, grasping for explanation to events that have recently occurred.
to understand the behaviours of people that are supposed to care because they are ‘family’
trying to decipher what is it that my Lord wants me to do.
like do i really have to be nice to everyone? even when i am trampled on?
i scroll thru IG and everyone still appears perfect even in their ‘not perfect’ pics.
i see love and caring and giving and something that i cannot give a word to.
our conversations in the past have been do we expect too much from other people?
or we ask do we give too much to others, so much so, that the disappointment of relationships leaves a cavity in our lives?
am i expecting others to replace the One that fills my heart?
i have been through this before. it took two years of therapy and antidepressants to understand that my need of people is not truly a need.
and yet, here i am again. wanting to run away. to hide from work, family, friends, life in general.
why. why must i be the responsible adult? why do i hold myself accountable for everything?
every. little. thing.
is this dark cloud in my mind a result of the 2020 Pandemic that is holding all of us hostage?
why does the past creep into my brain and force me to relive events that aren’t worth reliving?
i am grateful that my children are grown, because then my energy is not spent at the end of the day with nothing left for them.
i am grateful for working remotely, because then i do not have to fake what i might truly want to say to my colleagues.
i would rather the narrative of my life not be intertwined in others, but just Him.
and yet, that is not my calling as a Follower of Jesus.
so in the end i fail Him as well.
and in the failing there is my Chief Shepherd looking for me. the one that is lost.
right now i am a little lost. but i know He is with me.