brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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Christmas Eve thoughts

it is brisk outside today, wind is blowing with a chill of 19 degrees. we wrapped presents, finished baking cutouts, and ready to use up the rest of the frosting. there are cookies and pound cakes to deliver.
but this morning as I listened to the cd O Holy Night by Sara Groves, i stand and weep over the cookie dough hoping Samwise does not hear me. with a million thoughts in my head ~ of my grandmas, my parents, relationships, friends, and my children and my marriage. Lives past, words spent in wastefulness, and hopes dashed. this is my life. reality.
I will never have the Christmas in my head, but I will have the Christmas in my heart. the one that I am grateful and blessed by who is around me. I will express my love in word and deed to them, each day, not just at Christmas.  because Christmas is not about the tree or the presents, but about our hearts. the Love of God came to save each one of us. we are wounded and broken – with piercing sharp arrows flung at us. and much like pieces of glass shattered to the ground we wait to be put back together. so He comes to us. to live and breathe the air of Earth. to scrape His knees, to feel pain & sorrow & rejection. to know Humanity.
how I wish I could tell you of the Grace and Mercy and Love this Babe brings to you. please consider visiting here if you have Faith questions. because Jesus is the Saviour of the world and i want all of us in the Heavens together singing Joy to the World.


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moving on.

how does one move on? from the issues at hand, the darkness of each night, the voices inside my head whispering lies, the words not spoken but the thoughts that are felt?
it is raining here. the birds are eating like crazy out of the bird feeders. cut outs are baked and waiting to be purveyors of frosting. the laundry is washing and drying and waiting to be folded. the sky is grey. Christmas music plays as i work in my little home.
and yet, my mind keeps thinking. about the issues in my life. about what i can never accomplish. about what doesn’t get done at work. about mistakes made in words. about so very much that it appears ~ I . Cannot. Change.
and there it is. right there. the message of the day, the year, of my life.
did you see the Marvel movie Dr. Strange? because it has been on every night this week and I have watched it every night and even today while rolling out cookie dough.
listen closely to what you might learn. there are some amazing life lessons in Dr. Strange. and they come from the Ancient One. as she is about to take her astral body and float into death she tells him he has yet to learn the most profound and simplest truth of all ~ It’s Not About You. and then she vanishes.
and she is right. because Jesus says this all the time. it isn’t about me. it is about others. so moving on from issues, voices, darkness of night, or thoughts felt is about letting go of the me and turning to Him. this lesson is on REPEAT in my life right now. over and over and over. Press Play. then Repeat. it isn’t about me.
but in thinking of others and doing for others there are boundaries to keep us safe and secure in understanding our ‘self’ is bound to Christ alone. not to what we do or know or give or say or write. i can only give out of me because I understand the Greatest Gift was given to me and therefore He is all I need.
the Holy Babe arriving soon with One Holy Purpose ~ to lay down His life for my sins, to shed His blood to provide me with Mercy and then to rise again in defeat of death to provide me with Grace. so maybe it is two lessons on Repeat ~ I cannot change circumstances and It isn’t about me.

be blessed in this season and know there is a God that loves you more than you can fathom.


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do we really get it?

i have been a believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour for a very very long time. but it is finally sinking into my heart and soul that He, God, gave His Son up to the Earth to put on flesh (as my pastor husband says) to be born in humanity to die on a Cross and rise to eternal Life.  this has been in my brain, i have heard the words of the Word over and over and over… but this thought of Mary delivering the Son of God into Humanity. my heart was pierced over four decades ago to understand my need of a Saviour that i knelt in my kitchen with my spiritual mother and confessed my need.

but this season of Christmas…. this time, this moment….. i look at this Holy Baby differently. at what has been done for me. me. and you. YOU. have a look at this Babe who IS the Saviour. no matter what you have done in your life (trust me, i know).

He is Love. He is Grace. He is Mercy.

come see us at my church next Sunday night at 6pm. Celebrate His Birth. and find out what He came to do for you.


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the Glorious Season of Christ

it is here. the Birth of my Saviour. the Celebration of the Son of God. but not everyone celebrates. there is sadness, death, illness, starvation, suicide. Humanity. we are so poor in spirit without the Saviour. so broken in everything. I want to shout sometimes ~ can you not see what He can do for your heart? your soul? your life?  GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. let the One that comes this time of year as a babe in a trough… let His weakness give you strength, let His humanness give you Grace, let His pure Love save you from yourself.
i had a work retreat today. i prayed the entire way there… let me be Generous in kindness Lord. let me be humble in giving Lord. let me be like You, Lord. these are well-versed people in using others, in thinking only of themselves, in not trusting. Lord, let me be today what they need.
there is a Babe in a manger waiting for you. there is a Morning Star hoping to shine His Glory through you. don’t wait… go now, speak your pain to Him, cry your tears into His Hands, leave yourself at the manger and see how it became the Cross and the Empty Tomb. go now. it is never too late.