life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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unsure what to call it.

title, why does there have to be a title? and yet, it could be called numerous things.. but my first thought is Mistakes I have made.
Unfortunately there are too many to count. and the big one is to help my children understand that their personal happiness and wealth does not come from this earth. They flounder and I pray. and pray. and pray. I will keep praying and hope their eyes and hearts are opened to what REAL LIFE is about. That LOVE is about the blood of Christ. all three of them.
I realize I cannot live their life, that they are responsible adults, capable of making decisions for themselves. but this is hard, much harder than I ever ever thought.
Hoping that Spring comes and that summer isn’t too wet or too dry ~ but I am asking for a miracle. Blessings!


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Spring ahead.

Time springs ahead, but the season is not keeping up. We have a winter watch with snow beginning tomorrow and through Wednesday. We don’t have what the east coast might get, but still, my forsythia was blooming but will get killed. I am afraid to check the lilacs, or the rhubarb, and all the little bulbs that broke open won’t survive either. No planting here this week, the ground is still too cold.
The moon is gorgeous here tonight, cold brisk clear and has a hazing around it. I love the moon. I would kind of like to get a blizzard ~ one that closes EVERYTHING so I get to stay home and sew and bake and crochet and clean and read and write. But… we shall see. Stay safe this week!!! Lent is  here and Jesus is Lord!!! Blessings.

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tomorrow is the day. i. turn. 60. Sixty. as in six decades old. on earth for 21,900 days. 60. when did this happen? how did this happen? does the earth turn that fast? is the moon rising twice each day?
so each day becomes How can I be Jesus? and right now at my new job it is very very difficult to try to be Jesus. I am thinking I need to be the Jesus that turned over the tables in the Temple. Righteous anger, but it would go misunderstood. Am i beating my head against a tree? I feel like it.
but there is the Word …. and music. the Word, the Word of Jesus Christ. and music to sing in my heart that brings my focus back to Him.
i will get up tomorrow. get dressed. make breakfast and lunch and go to work. and that is that. Have a great day!!!

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so, let’s be honest.

oh my. i am such a grouch. i am tired. my brain is on overdrive at work. i cannot believe how some people behave. i cannot believe the work ethic (or lack of) in some people. i cannot believe the things i think lately. i can hardly think or speak or talk nicely when i get home. but i keep thinking What does God want me to do??  What am i to learn? Who am i to help? How can i be Jesus to those around me? my new favourite song is Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott…. wowsers. what. a. song.
personally, i would like a blizzard here in north central ohio so i can stay home, sleep in, bake, read, crochet, sew and write. like i need 5 days off, paid, but no working. it would totally screw up a lot of people’s schedules… but we could work through it. life would go on. i need to order seeds for the garden, write my Compassion child more, dust the house, sit in the attic and think of what used to happen there with three children on a snow day home from school.  i need to ponder the silence of the snow when it falls. and how did God ever come up with a snowflake?? or the inner ear for that fact? or the hair in my respiratory tract? I have so many questions.

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my girls are sisters. i watch Little Women and wonder what it would have been like to have a sister. i  had a sister once. she was blonde and blue eyed, a tall lithe swimmer girl. she did not ask Why when she was in my home, she did not treat me differently like other friends did, she showed me Jesus. she helped to begin the journey of grace and mercy in dysfunction. Kim was my sister, my Diana.
there is a big ball game tomorrow. I don’t even care. My youngest (see picture to the right) got her college degree from Ohio State University!!!! I am about to burst! She isn’t sure what she will be doing… may stay at her current job, but that is okay. It is her life, her world. I am so proud she finished it!!!!!!!
the new job is …. welllll….. let’s say overwhelming. extremely overwhelming. just pray.

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best text message ever.

i got a text message this week. from my son. His name is Jedidiah. He just turned 27. He is in the picture to the right of this post (with his younger sister).  He is adopted. He is chocolate brown, I am pale pink (those are the colours he picked when he was about 3 and got told he was a different colour than us).
I. Love. My. Children.  all three of them. I have tried my best to raise them with their dad. Jedidiah is my only son. He is absolutely amazing, but the evil on has lied to him and lied to him. This week Jedidiah sent me a text message out of the blue ~ “I never told you this before but I am so thankful that you are my mom…. I love you.”  I cried and cried, my heart exploded, and I called him. i miss my little boy so much. but he is a wonderful young man with a generous heart and a brilliant mind. I just keep praying he realizes God is the better choice.

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last day

My last day as a clinical nursing instructor was today. oh the emotions inside of me. I have taken an administrative position which takes me out of the didactic, lab, and clinical teaching for nursing. I am going to miss it. I am praying I have made the right decision, that i did hear the Lord say “you can do this with Me”. Helping to lead a team is a difficult thing. It is a big team with many little pieces. I just keep praying.