life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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she does it again.

here i sit.. with the rain filling my yard and soon to snow… listening to the familiar words and the tunes… but the voice of Sara Groves… for me… it is liquid grace and courage, the voice that reminds me of Jesus… no matter what is going on or in my head at that moment. She has been with me in darkness and light… in the garden at 2am when i cried out to the Lord about my existence and there she was singing about the moon reflecting the Son. You know how there is that one singer at certain times of your life that get you through everything????  when I was a teenager it was Carly Simon… getting me through my parents divorce and crazy boys and suicidal friends. but for a very long time now it has been Sara Groves. singing about her life, her marriage, her children, her Faith in Christ… if you haven’t found her… go now, she is on iTunes… and get Abide With Me… or better yet… get Conversations, and then get All Right Here and then get Less Like Scars and then get Fireflies and Songs and then get O Holy Night and then get Add to The Beauty .. because they are all my favorite… every one of them. Last year I drove home from The Abbey of the Genesee and listened to all of them… thank you Sara Groves… for being vulnerable and honest and bold.


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Today is Veteran’s Day in the United States. A day we honour the men and women that have fought to keep us independent and American. It makes me think of my freedom in Christ. and my girlfriend Kim that took the time to love me, even though I didn’t understand it. She took me to Young Life and there I met Jesus. My Freedom in Christ began with Kim. and I wish I could tell her how much I love her for that, for taking a chance on me when others wouldn’t. But leukemia took her much too young and my sister-in-Christ is in Heaven singing her heart out to Jesus.
I am so grateful for both of my Freedoms. the freedom to speak, to worship, to pray, to be me.
the garden is put to bed – slightly frosted and still. and the birth of the Saviour of the world, the Creator of the sun, moon, and stars is around the corner. there is much ado about buying presents for others and sales in the shops and what will your holidays be like. but here it is quiet in my home, quiet in my heart, disturbed by the worldliness of what should be revered. if my children were little i would be combatting the culture and regret that i didn’t do it enough when they were small. if we ever are blessed with grandchildren I want to keep it real & honest & homey, hoping they hide in their hearts the Truth of Love and Grace and Mercy.

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too busy. too warm. not enough rain.

still warm. and we are behind in rain. half way through October. and the Lord is in the Heavens and God is in control. i am too busy, but am praying for revelation in time management as well as the ability to walk away and leave it for tomorrow. because it is one day at a time. one day. and there is only one of me, doing 2.5 jobs. recently i was in Las Vegas for a workshop. what a sad sad city. so bereft of kindness. you can get anything you want if you spend the money. Cold. Hard. Cash. and when i say anything, i mean anything. there were Men with cards with pictures of young women to act as an escort. there were young women wearing only enough to cover their nipples and their bikini triangle wanting you to spend money to have your picture taken with them. there were people with tee shirts on wanting you to call the Orgasm Clinic. there was so much, it was some what of a sensory overload. then add all the lights,  the noise, the throngs of people, the smells of alcohol, cigarettes marijuana cigars, the food smells.
and today is the Sabbath. when the Lord Himself is wanting conversation with me while i am with fellow believers. Sabbath. Rest. Worship. I wonder what He thinks when He sees what Humanity is doing in Las Vegas.
so i keep reading my Bible. the new one i got for my anniversary, a She Reads Truth bible. it is fabulous. and i love it. there is a new fire in my soul, for the Word, for Jesus. i am thankful the dry plains are gone. and Jesus is feeding me His Word. there isn’t enough time for the studying i am wanting to do, the reading, the soaking it in.
enjoy your Sunday!!!

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#38. eeeeekkkkk!!!!!!  #38????!!!!!  I have been married 38 years. and I wouldn’t trade one day of it. not the good the bad or the ugly – and believe me i produced the ugly!!! I am hopeful we are given many more healthy  years together, but we shall see what the Lord has in mind.
the weather when we got married is not what we are  having right now. We had a great morning wedding, with perfect fall weather. I remember wearing my skirt, jacket, hat when we left for our honeymoon because it was cool. I have put my garden to bed except for the marigolds, which are gorgeous. we are to have 90 degrees for the 2 more days, then I hope a drop in the temps…please Lord!!!!!

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i want a time machine.

because i want to go back in time. to when i was teaching. i miss teaching something terrible BUT here is the conundrum… you know, when there are confusing circumstances, any ways ~ i digress. if i go back to teaching i know what the people are like that i teach with, i know the things they have said about me, i know what they haven’t done for students. what i do now is attempt to lead, only right now i suck at it. and i frustrate my boss because i don’t some things right away – i need practice at converting time, and calculating hours into contact hours, and so many other things. the reports, the bills to turn in, the schedule to configure, the subs to hire, and then there are 10million interruptions.
i want a time machine. i don’t care what i know. i miss students.

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first question is How did it become August already?
second question is Is anyone out there having issues with their tomatoes?
third question is How long until the first frost?
worked in the garden. trimmed two major branches off the forsythia. picked small tomatoes. watered pots. filled the bird feeder. cooked breakfast. pondered the blue sky and serious white clouds. cleaned some. moved some indoor plants in the sunroom.
BUT inside i seriously want to run away from life. to go somewhere away, far away from drama and work and people that don’t care. that is what is inside of me today.
fourth question is What would I do if I ran away?
oh my… i have the answer to that one: read, write, garden, can all my food, crochet, sew, create gifts, preserve my herbs, bake, some how figure out how to do without. and love on the people that would be around me because you really cannot get away from people unless you are a hermit. and we do need each other. for Fellowship of the Lord is not about ‘I’ but about ‘US’. and in the US is Him and Me and You.
going to a wedding later… glorious day for a wedding.

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60 is nifty.

today is my love’s birthday. he is 60. and i actually surprised him with a night away last night to the Inn at Honey Run. we got a honeycomb room…. with a patio and butterflies and sheep grazing in the pasture. and a four course dinner.  if you haven’t been you really really should go. and i cannot tell you what else.. but it was so much fun! and we slept in until 800am!!!!!  8:00a.m.  like wow.  i also got us breakfast delivered at 9:00am…. it is called Romance at Daybreak. it was almost as delish as dinner was. then we hiked the new Outdoor Air Art Museum trail. gorgeous. wonderful day!!!