melinda's Blog

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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so, let’s be honest.

oh my. i am such a grouch. i am tired. my brain is on overdrive at work. i cannot believe how some people behave. i cannot believe the work ethic (or lack of) in some people. i cannot believe the things i think lately. i can hardly think or speak or talk nicely when i get home. but i keep thinking What does God want me to do??  What am i to learn? Who am i to help? How can i be Jesus to those around me? my new favourite song is Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott…. wowsers. what. a. song.
personally, i would like a blizzard here in north central ohio so i can stay home, sleep in, bake, read, crochet, sew and write. like i need 5 days off, paid, but no working. it would totally screw up a lot of people’s schedules… but we could work through it. life would go on. i need to order seeds for the garden, write my Compassion child more, dust the house, sit in the attic and think of what used to happen there with three children on a snow day home from school.  i need to ponder the silence of the snow when it falls. and how did God ever come up with a snowflake?? or the inner ear for that fact? or the hair in my respiratory tract? I have so many questions.


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sisters

my girls are sisters. i watch Little Women and wonder what it would have been like to have a sister. i  had a sister once. she was blonde and blue eyed, a tall lithe swimmer girl. she did not ask Why when she was in my home, she did not treat me differently like other friends did, she showed me Jesus. she helped to begin the journey of grace and mercy in dysfunction. Kim was my sister, my Diana.
there is a big ball game tomorrow. I don’t even care. My youngest (see picture to the right) got her college degree from Ohio State University!!!! I am about to burst! She isn’t sure what she will be doing… may stay at her current job, but that is okay. It is her life, her world. I am so proud she finished it!!!!!!!
the new job is …. welllll….. let’s say overwhelming. extremely overwhelming. just pray.


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best text message ever.

i got a text message this week. from my son. His name is Jedidiah. He just turned 27. He is in the picture to the right of this post (with his younger sister).  He is adopted. He is chocolate brown, I am pale pink (those are the colours he picked when he was about 3 and got told he was a different colour than us).
I. Love. My. Children.  all three of them. I have tried my best to raise them with their dad. Jedidiah is my only son. He is absolutely amazing, but the evil on has lied to him and lied to him. This week Jedidiah sent me a text message out of the blue ~ “I never told you this before but I am so thankful that you are my mom…. I love you.”  I cried and cried, my heart exploded, and I called him. i miss my little boy so much. but he is a wonderful young man with a generous heart and a brilliant mind. I just keep praying he realizes God is the better choice.


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last day

My last day as a clinical nursing instructor was today. oh the emotions inside of me. I have taken an administrative position which takes me out of the didactic, lab, and clinical teaching for nursing. I am going to miss it. I am praying I have made the right decision, that i did hear the Lord say “you can do this with Me”. Helping to lead a team is a difficult thing. It is a big team with many little pieces. I just keep praying.


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dysfunctional

I wonder this morning how the evil one has done it ~ how he makes us believe we can be perfect and have it all. it began in a Holy Garden and continues today. I have never believed I could have it all or be perfect. I have believed that my flaws screamed louder than my heart and soul. I have believed that my words are never good enough, my work is never what is needed, that what i do or say or think is always Wrong. the evil one has tricked all of us since the Holy Garden. that life since the first Lie is dysfunctional, that we all now question our motives, our emotions, our desires. that since the first Lie, none of us will be perfect no matter how much we puke, how little we eat, how much we exercise, how hard we work, how much we say, no matter what.
this side of the Holy Garden, this side of Heaven it is horribly dysfunctional and twisted. in the end it is how we treat the image of God made in Man and Woman.


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oh John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara

Watching The Quiet Man. what a movie. they don’t make movies like this anymore. WOW, what a kiss. what a wedding night. love…real love. the love of a man for a woman. the care he provides. It isn’t about stuff, no matter what anyone says. it is about his touch, his look, his patience, his voice. we both have our flaws in this marriage of mine. and this week has been tough. i am unappreciative of what i have. I need to always think of what Christ did, the sacrifice He made and the gift of His mercy and grace. I need to be more merciful and kind and gracious. so i pray for forgiveness.


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the date of her birth

My youngest has her birthday tomorrow. A quarter of a century. I keep asking ‘How can this be?’ 25 years. Twenty-five years. Where did this quarter of a century go? She isn’t sure of herself still. She kicked her way out, but wasn’t sure of the world. So she incubated for thirty days at the hospital. and i prayed. and prayed. and prayed.
and I still pray. for all three of them. the eldest, the middle, the youngest. the lostness of their hearts. the hope that they know how valued they are in Christ. that the Saviour of the world died for them. the Creator of the world loves them. I miss her preemieness. I miss all of their little sounds, their tiny hands, their noses, their cute little bums. Thank you Lord for letting me be a mum.