life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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open home

the past several weeks since the BIG WISCONSIN TRIP (more later) have been crammed with people. amazing people. some of the MOST amazing people are leah and una, with christine and maipelo. smart, articulate, passionate and driven for @banabarona #banabarona. a vision for art and medicine to bring hope to the children of Botswana in the form of 4 young women. a small spark of an apostrophe has been planted in my heart ~ what if sam and i traveled to Botswana? i am praying now… for the what ifs, the maybes, the possibilities!!!!
blessings on your Sabbath day… mine is beginning with the Word, jasmine green tea and quiet. the noise of una, leah, maipelo and christine is missed. thank you Lord for the blessing of these young women ~ may they bless You.


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box or zone or blanket or whatever

…. meaning the box of life or comfort zone or security blanket… what ever we call life. it has crashed around us with no words of warning. and i am trying to figure this out ~ but there is no figuring this out. in the infinite wisdom of Creator God He knows the plan ~ and i cling to this Eternal Truth that He knows the plan, He loves me, His One and ONly Son died for my horrible sins and because of that we will be able to speak about this sometime in the future in the earthly hope of blessing Him.
for me this is yet another lesson in learning total dependence on God, that i am not really in charge of anything in life, and that the Holy Trinity is here in the mess. i need lots of help right now with this because once again the ‘church’ has made a choice and walked away from us. i am tired of people. but for me, fortunately, the Saviour is not tired of me.
i pray to see like He does, to love like He does, to live like He does. this is so very very tough.

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oh to tell the truth of our life

our life. full of ups and downs, rights and lefts, joys and sorrows. that is what life is about though as a believer in Jesus Christ and the Trinity of God.  we will live this life on earth to the best of our abilities in Jesus, clinging to Him. and right now we cling like a rock climber holding onto the small stones on the side of a cliff. we look up for the next steps He would have us take.
we have just returned home from a five day working retreat for pastors and their wives in the forests of Wisconsin. i cannot begin to tell how the Lord worked in our marriage and our hearts. He is prepping us for the next piece of the journey He has us on. and i will wait patiently not knowing anything about it, but knowing God the Father cares for us, Jesus has saved us and the Holy Spirit will lead us.
we left for the retreat knowing when we returned change was ahead. now we wait. it is not worrisome, it is not anxiously, it is waiting with the knowledge of His grace, peace, love and care. choices might be made for us, but God will use what ever happens for His blessing.

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how does one write about this?

I spent the day with a person from our community that has just been diagnosed with a stage IV glioblastoma. She is not allowed to be alone during the day. She will begin chemotherapy in several weeks.
because I was there this  morning I was privy to a conversation between her and one of her daughters.  I sat there crocheting, trying to not listen to the intimate conversation between a woman facing a death and her daughter trying to be strong.  there was discussion about what the daughter wanted her mother to do to preserve her thoughts for the children, what did the mother really want to do with the children (all grown) before getting sicker.
and when I glanced up and looked at the daughter looking at her mother with the expression that she didn’t want to leave knowing this might be the last good day i felt like i invaded that moment.  the daughter’s daily responsibilities pulling at her brain and her mother’s condition pulling at her heart.
all I can say is i want to be that strong as the mom.  as a former hospice nurse i would witness these moments but the client was actively dying… maybe weeks to live. this woman has just been diagnosed and is facing the facts knowing Jesus is at the other end of the journey and is worried about her family, her close friends, her husband.

Lord, help me if that moment comes before me to fully rely on You alone and help those around me to see the good of Your plan.

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Independence Day American style

I just spent 2.5 days working a concession trailer at a festival in my home town. We had glorious weather and lots of people. It is interesting working over a 400 degree fryer for 24 hours. Hot, sweaty, exhausting. But even more interesting are the people you work with and the people you wait on.
Small Town America. We are proud and willing to fight but stubborn and obstinate. I watched people, missed the hot air balloons and the fireworks. I observed the usual. Think America: overweight, obese, family fighting, teenagers trying desperately to find love in sex, young girls with small babies, young men with unclaimed small babies, older people knowing the greatness of the small town, and so much more.
I worked with all of these people this weekend wrapped up into just 4 persons + me. We were a sad lot with one goal in mind – making and selling as much high fat processed foods that we could (this is another blog post). Our conversations ranged from what we do outside of the concession stand, to families, to health, to some dreams and other things that shouldn’t be revealed. I heard sad stories of growing up, of health crises, of hope and fears and regrets.
Small Town America. We need to wake up to the fact that every choice we make affects not just us, but all those we live with and around.

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being a Mum

I am blessed with three children. I did not give birth to them all, but they are mine. I miss the days of nursing my children, of the soft cheeks on mine, bath time, cuddle time, into bed snuggle time, reading time, nap times, soccer games, baseball, basketball, ballet, music lessons… and the things that filled their childhood and I got to be their mother. I am still their mother – but it is different. They are young adults and have moved out on their own. But I am still their mother. Their accomplishments are wonderful and they are not done. I became a mother/mommy/mum with my children and they have blessed me until I want to burst! Thank you Jesus for my sweet children ~ I keep praying for Your protection, Your guidance and Your mercy in their lives.

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Suit shopping

I cannot tell you how much I HATE SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES.  It is practically a death sentence to me. BUT, because I have a job interview at a college this Monday and because I have nothing suitable for a job interview, I went shopping.
I tried last weekend for two hours and found absolutely nothing. But God was there watching over me.  I am standing in a department store with a jacket on that I was pretty sure was too big and there was a woman there, very smartly dressed, and I said ” is this too big?”.  She said yes, let’s go look over here. So for 10 minutes we looked in the store and she asked me why I needed a suit and I told her. Well then she said ‘here is a coupon for another store that I don’t need’.  I said are you sure, she said yes, and off i went. Unfortunately they had nothing and I was depressed.
But… God is amazing.  I sent her a thank you note and said, well, now I  have to go to another mall and would you like to come with me?  She emailed me back and said yes.  Off we went today and Jane was an immense help!! And I got interview suits, shirts, a graduation dress and jackets.  I could not have done it without her. After two hours, got done and I took her to lunch then and we talked and talked and had a fabulous time knowing the Lord was in this the whole time. Got home in time for this crazy snowstorm that is falling right now.  I am blessed over and over.