life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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August 1st.

and life here is still complicated
Racial Unrest
Political ideals in an uproar.
America is broken
with that is the turmoil of relationships
people that give in to the whim of others
people with no consideration for others
people that have forgotten their purpose
what has happened to the soul of humanity
to the work that Jesus began
that we love others and care for others no matter what
that in the end did I love?
did I look at you like I was looking at Jesus?
in the end it doesn’t matter, does it?
it doesn’t matter
this earth has a short life and God will what to know ~
did you love others?

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not sure

what to write.
because what I want to say I can’t say.
and life isn’t anything of what it is supposed to be like.
but every day I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, and do it all over again.
every day. no matter what. no matter how I am treated.
i would have liked that the time spent at home in quarantine I could have done whatever I wanted.
but nope. that didn’t happen. i worked 7am to 530 pm every day on the computer and phone. 5 days a week.
55 hours a week. every week.
and people would look at me and say How is working from home?
and I cannot explain it. it is tiring. it is boring. it is constant work, no interruptions.
and it has continued into the summer.
and I don’t see it letting up.
so remain flexible. remain positive. remain honest.
no compromise.

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St. Patrick’s day

my maiden name is Love.
as in the County Cork Ireland Loves.
i have pictures of family from the late 1800’s.
they don’t smile. they are stoic. they are poor.
and they came to America because of the potato famine.
i wonder did they believe in Christ like St. Patrick?
his faith. his prayers. his foundation in Jesus Christ.
the revolution of St. Patrick and the church.
the Three in One and the One in Three.
have you looked closely at his prayer?
there are several versions of it out there.
but to think of one man spreading Christianity in Ireland.
thank you St. Patrick for your faith.
one of these days i will get to the Emerald Isle and breathe in Ireland.

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there is a storm coming

and i am praying for a blizzard for two days.
to stay home and sleep in. to drink hot tea and eat buttered toast.
to walk around all day in my pj’s. with earbuds in listening to music.
to sew all morning, take a nap and then crochet all afternoon.
to read and write and read some more.
i really really really need a blizzard.
but it won’t happen. because i adult now. geez.
so i dream about blizzards happening. and time at home.
watched all of the IF conference this past weekend. OMG.
and this woman… Jada Edwards. trust me, if you haven’t heard you need to.
like she put Romans 8:1 out there ~ right out there.
but she reminded us that doesn’t mean no conviction, no conflict, no consequences.
i listened to her three times.
ok… so blessings and safe driving tomorrow!!!

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many tasks to accomplish
many emotions to deal with
much work to do at my jobs
many people dealing with worse issues than I have.

so…. with that said. I spent a day with the people in Pittsburgh over the weekend.
The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
how does one talk about what they live with?
my father had AML thirty-nine years ago. and i wonder if things would have been different if someone had reached out to him about his symptoms. he died after his first treatment.
before that it was my best friend from Cincy. we were 22 and both just married. and leukemia struck and killed her.
and now a good friend … ten years into the fight…. still trying to figure out best treatment options. still researching initiatives and trials. still. to live longer and better for herself.
in the end we live on this side of heaven, this side of the Risen Kingdom of Jesus. and thus, it is a fallen world – a world of sickness, sadness, evil, anxiety, depression, harm to others, so many bad things. in that we have the Hope of Christ to live one day at a time here.

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one week later….

and ALOT has happened in this week.
much more than needs to be discussed in a blog.
so i sit here sweating like crazy as I am just in from the garden. it is 83 degrees but feels like 89 degrees because of the humidity.
so time to catch all of you up.
last weekend was the Michigan weekend with my Emmie. she had asked for a mom-daughter weekend about 6 weeks ago and i said Yes.. so i found an airbnb in Douglas Michigan and we had a great time. Slept in, had great food at great restaurants, went and saw Avengers: EndGame again, and had too much fun! Saugatuck was delightful… massages and facials were amazing, breakfast at Pumpernickels was fabulous on our last morning. it was relaxing and not too busy. hoping it was what she wanted.

this week. work. work work. i was off Thursday for some personal care. recovered by sleeping all day Thursday and some of Friday.

and now here we are with Memorial Day weekend.
Honour. Remember. Never Forget.
I am free because of those that have gone before and given their lives for our country. They have made the eternal sacrifice so that I can vote, and go to church and speak my mind if I chose to. Why would we not honour them?

i have been in my garden most of the morning and afternoon. went back to Honey Haven and got tomatoes, peppers, more marigolds, and some other things. my seeds are up – peas, tomato plants, lettuces. i will get the squashes in because i totally forgot to plant them. only doing yellow squash this year.

i have a list a mile long for the next two days… but it will be what it is.

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weather and such

the Christmas tree is down, just today. all the decorations are put away. and the boxes and wrapping paper will wait for another year. I wonder what next Christmas will look like. so i pray.
the weather. unusually warm. I appreciate the sunshine, but the warmth creates other issues in this season. too many viruses to catch, flu season is gearing up, and it just isn’t right. where is my Ohio snow? where is my Ohio bitter cold?
work is interesting. i am freaking about a major report due and I am missing  a day of work this week so I get four days to work on it. actually three because it should be done by Friday. and then there is the sense that a major overhaul is coming in administration.
what is up with the country? I mean I usually don’t discuss politics but these people need to figure out how to get along to run the country, not to do things to spite each other. we didn’t elect them to play mean games. grow up.
i need a blizzard of epic proportion. like a week stuck in the house. i have tons of food. would like to have electricity, but if not, I have a grill and wood and super sleeping bags and tons of blankets. a girl can dream. How about you?

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he died of depression…

but it won’t be on his death certificate. I am a former hospice nurse and I know…. my client had cancer but the death certificate said pneumonia or CHF or whatever. Robin Williams died of depression.
i dealt with depression for two years. it was precipitated by several events in my life. i ended up seeing a counselor for those two years and was on antidepressants for one year. Mental health issues are not easily resolved, sometimes never. for me, i had great help so that i wasn’t swallowed by the darkness of the pit i was in for a while.
we hide our mental health, so much so that when someone famous decides to end their life because the pit has swallowed them, we are shocked.
i am saddened that so many people in the world are scared to discuss what is really happening in their mind. that they fear losing friends and family and jobs. that to admit to mental health issues is in itself a death sentence sometimes. i had an older cousin that committed suicide. she had numerous attempts, was rescued, but eventually she freed herself of whatever was in her mind by ending her life.
life is precious. life is valuable. the decision to end a life is a personal choice that unless we can see the darkness we will not understand it. i am hoping we can have compassion for those around us living in a pit and do what ever we can to help them out.

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New job, new office… new outlook.

New desk IMG_20140530_091048 View from my window IMG_20140530_103837

Here are some pictures from my very own office. I never had an office before.  Since I have a new job I got an office.  I am teaching nursing students!!!  I am so very excited! I know some people might say that it is ‘new job’ -itis or the honeymoon period which will wear off BUT I don’t think so. I am excited about the potential of the next day and the next day and the next.  I wonder what God is going to do next???