brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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mid-summer

it is mid-summer already. I look forward to Fall.
so far this summer has been about learning lessons about myself. I realize that is a daily thing, to learn about myself. but 60 is a big number. and now I am that age.
my first thought about this is, how did this happen? when did I become the Grown Up? what is being the Grown Up? life, big LIFE isn’t like television or books or the daily drama that 13 year olds thrive on. REAL LIFE is about sorrow & happiness & failure & success & giving & putting myself aside for others. REAL LIFE is figuring out the world doesn’t revolve around me – EVER. there is no cure for cancer. there is no cure for selfishness either. give me cancer, don’t give me selfishness.
oh this LIFE. on a small planet that spins around a really big super hot ball. it has my garden on it – with peppers, tomatoes, snow peas, lettuces, brussell sprouts, herbs, rhubarb, asparagus,  and alot of marigolds. I love marigolds. and lightening bugs.
60. my father didn’t make it to 60. he made it to 43. and I didn’t get to be an ADULT with him.  have you seen the commercial for a car that uses a Simon & Garfunkel song? and the grandma has the grandpa’s ashes and sees the country with her family because that is what he wanted. I love that commercial. it is hope lost, relationships, family, LIFE.
pretty sure I think too much. blessings!!!

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life lessons and mistakes

oh, earthly life, so difficult and yet so lovely. beautiful one moment and then excruciatingly painful. so praying for wiser choices, but my gut tells me that a major change is coming and i will have to sit back and pray more. i start out thinking of myself and fearing how it will affect me – in the end i pray for my child, that they will choose wisely and think of how their decision affects others and that i will not take their choices personally. i want o ask God why? and what? what am i supposed to learn from this? and why? why must i watch this?? i want to turn the clock back and have a DO OVER. why can’t i have a do over?????
the garden is in!!!  tomatoes, peppers, broccoli, brussel sprouts, snow peas, herbs, marigolds. now if i can just keep the birds out of it!!!! always looking for worms. we have a robin’s nest in our shed, 3 babies. but we think one has died. poor wee thing. and there is a baby bunny with parents in the yard. just so it stays out of my carrots and lettuces.
then there is work. i am still unsure of my new job. it is overwhelming, all consuming, time wasting, and extremely stressful. i cannot believe the nature of people – they are selfish and mean. they care not about the purpose of the job, but only what will they get out of it, if they do something will they get paid, the list goes on. i find them deplorable and very very sad. unfortunately instead of acting like adults, they act like spoiled rich 5 year olds.  and here, too, i wonder what i am supposed to learn, what am i doing for the kingdom in this position, how can i be Jesus??


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a teachable heart

the first5 app is great… and every weekend there is the weekly video to wrap up what the week has been about…these past weeks have been on King David. what a guy. but over and over he repents, he confesses, he prays, and he knows the Lord is his King – because David has a teachable heart. so i pray that now – in my job, my friends, my family, with each contact i make, with every thing i do – Lord give me a teachable heart. hold my tongue, quell my anger and my selfishness, what ever You have for the next part of this journey help me to seek You.


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the death of death

that is what we heard in church today. Easter sabbath is about the death of death as Jesus is risen and alive. my life is not permanent on this Earth. i have said in the past and still hope that my job in heaven will be in the kitchen and in the garden. the smells, the colours, the sounds – i can hardly wait. earth is tiring.
so don’t wait on Jesus. He is waiting on you, searching for you, hoping you will say yes to Him.


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is summer on its way???

oh, Ohio… you tickle me with warm weather and then bring 3″ of snow with 28 degree weather.  But today… ah, today. the blue sky, the white clouds, the blooms ready to open; maybe it is a real spring with summer on its way. i am hopeful.
the week was somewhat tough. but my Lent reading is Hosea. this week one of the verses was in chapter 7 verse 8: Ephraim/Israel is a flat cake not turned over.  I just about died laughing.. how have i missed this verse before??? I am thinking God called Israel a flat cake – baked on one side, raw on the other. i don’t want to be that, ever. a flat cake, not worth anything. i still laugh, though, when i think about it.
so let me remember to be the Light, the Yeast, the Vine. especially now, when culture seems to be in such despair and without vision. Jesus is that vision, that Hope, that Way. Jesus is there, no matter what happens or how bad things get or there isn’t any money or there isn’t any food or how will you keep the family together?
i turned 60 this year but more importantly the Lord has opened my heart for 44 years. He is always there. ALWAYS. Jesus, His name is Jesus.


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last day of March

the asparagus is cleaned out!! and the ginger plants survived! and tomorrow i am going looking for seed sprouting supplies. only a month behind, but i don’t care. some of the forsythia did not bloom because of the crazy warm, cold, warm. hoping there is no more frost, but we might in April. rained all day today. rain tomorrow, so it will be good to stay in. pickled eggs to make, cut outs to bake, laundry to wash, bills to pay, reading to read, words to write, and maybe sleep in a little in my warm cotton flannel sheets. yummy.


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therapy in soil.

Out in my garden tonight. cut the clematis and roses and the grasses. and found the ginger that survived the winter!!!  rhubarb is popping up!!! need to clean the asparagus bed. Spring. i sure hope it is here to stay because i want to plant and prune and dig and turn under. and it is therapeutic. helps me think and breathe and pray.
oh, i. love. my. garden.  and the worms. how about you?