in understanding why life is the way it is. why in a long term relationship there is still lies and betrayal. that is how i feel. and why work so hard at something that then you get trampled on.
why is it to try to be like Christ on Earth i must suffer a little like Him? why. this is the most horrible stage of life right now. horrible. teaching is horrible. students are horrible. not sure about marriage. not sure about Church.
i am pretty sure i control nothing. completely nothing ~ only how to react to the difficulties. anger is a pretty good word for that. and i’m not sure how to move on from that. so… that is life.