life as it is seen from my heart and soul



this is difficult.  if my therapist knew what i was thinking she would probably make me take medicine again.  but the holiday is horrible, only in a different way from growing up.  christmas was always horrible growing up, now it is horrible because somehow i have a son that is the biggest narcissist on the planet.  and my head knows somewhat that he makes his own choices, but my heart hurts so bad.  i did something wrong.  i said something wrong.  i know somewhere i did it, we did it.  my stomach is killing me.  and i smile.  i answer questions that are asked to me.  i work.  i cook. i bake.  i get it all done.  and i want to disappear.  into the nothingness of the sky.  the clouds.  the rain that is falling today.  let me be gone.

Author: melinda

a follower of Christ & a Daughter of the Great High King of Heaven disguised as a wife, a mum, a nurse, a baker, a gardener, a teacher, an artist and many things unknown by others.

4 thoughts on “honestly

  1. I am praying for you…

  2. Maybe if you see the nothingness for what it is you’ll free yourself…

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