it is drizzling. i want to get out. i want to leave. i am afraid. what will come out of my mouth. what if i fail at everything. everything. it feels like i already have. it is too late. i awake at night with pressure in my head, thoughts are racing about work, life, money, bills, the house – all of it. it is so very much. i want to know why and how to get on and where God is in all of this. why is this happening. why does it continue. when will it go away. why are there people that don’t have to deal with anything like this and get to have whatever they want. i want to know.