there are no words to describe what has gone on in the last four weeks, the last year, …..the past. in the last four weeks i have been gone every week and home only on the weekends. i have a new job. and it has already required much time and money out of us and i haven’t even seen a paycheck yet. everyone says what a great opportunity this is, but i am not convinced. so, we shall see on that front.
on another front is a child. a teenager. one that thinks they know everything, the rest of the world is wrong, and there seems to be nothing to be done. belligerent, foul, aggressive, ranting, …..there are not enough words for the behavior witnessed here at our home. narcissistic, selfish, two year oldish, and mostly sad, heartbreaking, disappointing, …. too many other things to go on. i wait. i wait for the next explosion. i wait to be told how stupid i am and how i don’t know what they feel or think. i wait to be told it is all my fault, i did this and we are the biggest mistake in this child’s life. i wait.
and in the waiting i scream at God. i am angry. i am broken. i am a mother ~ i would die for this child and that doesn’t seem to matter for anything. so i wait each day.
